Tuesday, September 30, 2008


So a couple posts ago I mentioned a canvas that was a field of blue. It has been staring at me, for months.

I had painter's block for serious.

I did not have clue as to what I wanted the subject of the painting to be, so it sat on an easel in my living room. Mocking me with its haughty blueness.

Saturday I was sitting in the living room, ignoring the canvas that was parallel to my field of vision whilst watching the TV.

And then it came to me. Why not paint something loved? So I painted a ballerina. I have loved ballerinas since I was a child and had a Sugar Plum Fairy Barbie. My barbie was awesome. She had a sparkly deep pink costume and pink toe shoes, and of course she had a tiara, so she was my favorite, and never got the butch haircut that my other barbies fell victim to when I got bored with them.

I got my paints and brushes out, sketched the ballerina on the canvas in pencil, and a few hours later I had my ballerina.
I love love love her. I love her flowy skirt. I love the movement and the sense of freedom. She is not confined to anything. I do not like painting faces to my subjects. I'd rather leave my subjects so that they can be any person. Does that make sense? It makes sense in my mind, so yay.
Now when I look at my easel in the living room, she greet me, like a celebration, and I smile. Eventually this will hang in my bedroom, but I'll let her enjoy the living room for a while.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Eight or Two

So my dear friend owns a store, and she said that a couple was browsing the store when she saw on the internet that the bailout had not passed. The fella part of the couple did not know what she was talking about. That is amazing to me, and was to her, but the lady he was up on current events.

As she told this story to me, I distilled this observation down to a simple truth: some men don't notice anything unless it has eight points or two boobs.

I present this art and dedicate it to the clueless fella that visited my friend's store today. Hope there isn't a bear or anything ferocious close by when that idiot sees this:

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Appetizer Hell

Okay so I was bored. I admit it. I searched for interesting appetizers on a website, and what I found was mostly disturbing y'all. Some of the creations were just hideous. If you are of a sensitive disposition, you may want to leave this blog, because the pictures I am about to share with you ain't purty.
I present to you "Funny Face Taco Dip." Their is nothing funny or appetizing about this. In a matter of a few scoops, this will look like a botched plastic surgery. Is that a broccoli tumor growing out of the head???
Reduced Fat Veggie Pizza. Hell to the no. First of all, you are presumably serving this at a party. Is this a party for friends or people that you want to hate your guts? Don't serve anything "reduced fat" at a party. Parties are meant for fun, and there's nothing fun about "reduced fat." Have the full fat, in moderation, and enjoy your damn party. Plus when something is called pizza, I expect gooey cheese. There's nothing gooey looking about that picture. Slap some brie or whole milk mozzarella on that already.
Bavarian snack ring. Jeebus y'all. Is it just me or does this look like something Freddie Krueger would serve? The main ingredients are sausage and sauerkraut. So, if you have a methane gas shortage in your house environment, feel free to serve this and breathe deeply.
Spinach dip holiday wreath. This would be classified in a personal category of mine called "Precious foods that should only be prepared by ladies named Eunice with huge Texas hair."
Cheezy dice. I have no words left.
I couldn't stand looking at anymore. Learn from this post friends.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

An Ode to Autumn

Oh joy! Just the other day marked the first day of autumn. I am ready y'all. I have pants and sweaters and hilarious socks that I haven't worn in forever. Just one thing....

Could someone please turn the heat off outside already? Y'all the high temperature is still in the 80's. Not exactly sweater weather.

I want to walk in the crisp air, perhaps through a corn maze. I want to take long drives in the country admire the foliage. I want to bake pies and make recipes that require squash.

This weekend I will pull the box out of storage that has all my fall decorations in it. Mr. Turkey, who is almost as tall at me, will take his place on my loveseat in the study, with his legs crossed like a proper gentleman, and will freak my cats out. Who is this tall, possibly delicious bird, and how can I fit him in my belly they might say.

So my house will celebrate fall after this weekend, even if the temperature won't cooperate.

Friday, September 19, 2008

I ate too much, and now think too much.

So the bank that occupies space in my building had lunch for bank patrons today. Since I am a patron of the bank, I got me some free lunch. It was Whitt's BBQ, and it was delicious... too delicious.

I ate, then ate some more, then had a brownie, and now I am a sloth. Y'all I am so uninspired to do anything. Why oh why did I do it? Oh yeah that's right, because slow smoked meat is goooood.

My slothful state makes me want to get up an do something, but all the stuff I want to do is really at home. My house is a disaster, and we don't have any solid plans for this weekend, so I'd really like to have a "get your shit together" weekend....perhaps even dust off the vacuum and freak the cats out. I need to do something. Perhaps actually finish one of my projects? Hmmmm let's think of what there is:

1. My novel that is fully outlined? Only if I am drunk, and Richard Armitage is feeding me grapes.

2. My painting that is nothing but a field of blue? Only if Richard Armitage is sitting just beyond my easel on a stool, in the nude.

3. The beaded bracelet that is almost finished? I can't think of a way to tie Richard Armitage into this one, but yeah that ain't happening either.

Oh hi hello sexxxxxxy.

Tonight we have a party to go to, but tomorrow morning I am going to work from room to room, getting "our shit together" since the husband will probably be working in his office, hopefully getting "his shit together" in there.

If you are out there, and you dig my blog (as if anyone wouldn't) please add yourself to the follow thingy on the right sidebar. I need validation, and everyone knows that blogs are the only way to feel validated.

Monday, September 15, 2008

No autographs please

Is is snowing in Hawaii? Nope but it is true this is a second post in the very same day. I almost forgot to tell my super amazing story of how I am shortly to be an extremely famous model.

And you knew me when I was the humble, sometimes clever blogger. Consider yourself honored.
So I was getting gas at the Mapco in my 'hood, and decided we also needed the sweet, sweet nectar known as beer, so as my husband pumped gas, I got the beverage. I put my purchase on the counter, and the clerk asked for my ID. Two seconds later her eyes bugged....for serious....and she said "Wow. You could make so much money."

Uhhhhh come again?

I must admit my driver's license picture is a total fluke. I actually like it, and look very pretty. I was having a good hair day, wearing a favorite top, and I even had makeup on. So the clerk went on to say that she was a model scout, and she knew a photographer that would absolutely love me.

I told her that she was kind, and left it at that. My beer was getting warm yo.

She then said "I don't usually do this..." as she rummaged through her purse. She pulled out a white business card, scratched through a phone number and then hand wrote another, gave it to me and said "If you ever change your mind."

So I put the card in my purse, grabbed my beer and got out of there. When I got home I looked at the card.

The first thought that popped into my mind was porn y'all. It was the clerk's picture on the card, but she must have powers of disguise like Superman, because as a mild-mannered clerk she wore glasses, no makeup, and her hair was pulled back. On the card she was a sultry vixen with massive cans. A google search quickly found her model profile. She is indeed a model, and her profile says that she will not do porn, but the pictures on her profile were extremely provocative.

I haven't called, and I don't know that I will. How on earth am I to believe a "model scout" that works behind the Mapco register (probably just to use her Superman powers for the greater good) that I am going to make "so much money." If she was great at her job, should she be working at the Mapco making my beer get warm?

Quandry y'all.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008


Oh hi hello gentle readers. I am back from a long weekend in Chicago. As you might have gleaned from my infrequent posts to my neglected blog (sorry!), my dear husband is a photographer. Granted, he does sports and corporate photography, but most of our gigs are weddings, and we had a wedding this past weekend in a suburb of Chicago, called Geneva.

Y'all it was charming. That is really the best word to describe it....charming. It was not a contrived town like Las Vegas, when you turn your head and all you see is set design on a grand scale. It is charming without being hosed in Thomas Kinkade preciousness. I would totally live there if I did not have to work for da man.

So we drove in the scary, car-sliding rain to Illinois (since we had a ton of gear it just made sense to drive). The wedding went absolutely fine. The sky was perfect blue with fluffy clouds, and the temperature was a high of 72. The reception was fun. Gotta love an open bar - it makes for relaxed pictures - except when people abuse the open bar and are idiots, but everyone behaved at this reception. The couple gave favors to their guests; fancy wine bottle stoppers for the men, and pashminas for the ladies. There were a bunch left over at the end, so I now have three (tiffany blue, pink and burgundy) and the generous bride gave us a bottle of champagne when we left for the night.

So that was Saturday, and Sunday was all ours. We drove into Chicago proper and stayed at our usual downtown hotel. We walked around for many hours, lounged under a shady tree in Millennium Park, and ate deep dish pizza at Pizzeria Due (owned by Pizzeria Uno, but cuter). That evening we went to a niiiiice dinner at a restaurant next door to our hotel, the Capital Grille.

On Monday we conducted a bit of business, and we were back on the road to Nashville. I spent 85% of the trip coughing and sneezing, and somehow managed to get another cold, EVEN THOUGH I HAD ONE JUST A MONTH AGO. So effing unfair.

And here I am, high on Dayquil, warm with a pashmina on my shoulders, working for da man.

I left the champagne at home. Damn.

Monday, September 1, 2008

Drama....I has it

Labor Day weekend...a weekend of rest, grilled meats and beer.

Yeahhhh not so much for me.

So on Friday, the husband went in the attic, because we were going to run cable for our HDTV antenna, and he discovered a natural gas leak.

The kind that could make your house blow up y'all.

Granted, it was not a big leak, but it was a leak, and the NES guy that arrived shortly after the discovery said it had probably been there since we built our house 5 years ago. The stoopid HVAC folks had cross-threaded a pipe, and that was the source of the leak. So, the HVAC people were at our house bright and early on Saturday morning, and $89 dollars later the leak was fixed.

Then, we decided it would be a good time to comb my 16 year old cat, Inky. She's not much into grooming these days, and really needed attention, so I combed enough fur off of her to make a new cat. As I was combing her tail (which is the DANGER zone), she bit me. Hard. On my arm. I immediately washed it, poured hyrdrogen peroxide on it, and applied antibiotic cream, but it still managed to get infected. So after church on Sunday I went to a walk-in clinic, got a tetanus shot (FUN!!!) and a prescription for antibiotics.

They didn't even give me a cool bandaid. So effing unfair y'all. If you are going to be a purveyor of pain or take my blood, I need a cool bandaid.

So that's my drama. I am currently at work for a half day (insert explative here) and have a cookout to go to this afternoon. I plan on hosing myself in insect repellent, because with my luck the bugs will find me delicious, and I will wind up looking like I have the pox.

Happy Labor Day y'all!