Not That Cool

Donesville

2011-08-04T09:07:00.000-07:00

Finally! I have read The Complete Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle cover to cover, 1200 pages in all.

A big book to say the least. Some of the stories were very good, but then others were a real noggin scratcher. When I found that I had read a noggin scratcher, I wondered if Sir Arthur had "phoned-in" some of the stories, because his passion (and the plot) wasn't really represented.

I didn't see what the big deal was with The Hound of the Baskervilles. I thought his first novel, A Study in Scarlet, was vastly better. I am glad I read this book. It was interesting reading for the most part, and by the latter stories I could figure out the important points before Sherlock Holmes solved the cases.

And now, on to the next book. I have picked out two random numbers, and according to the Nashville Public Library's website, both books are available at the main branch. They are both shorter than the book I finished by half, so that's a bonus! I'll talk about the chosen book in my next post.

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle aka The Verbose One

2011-07-16T17:45:00.000-07:00

Yes....I am still reading Sherlock Holmes. I have about 300 more pages to go, so the end is in sight.

I would have been finished with it by now if I had been more devoted to my reading, but hey, life got in the way.

I managed to finish the first draft my novel (!), and it is now being proofread and edited. I have also been researching publishing houses, and creating a synopsis. The synopsis is a real booger. Basically, I have to distill 70,000 words into two pages of text. Of course, everything is important to me, so this is proving to be a big task.

And then, for basically a week I took a self defense class, which was awesome and empowering. I never knew that I could wail on a heavily padded person with such force. It was a great experience.

Directly after that, I went on a family vacation. I managed to get sunburned, and the mosquitoes found me to be delicious, but, I had a great time hanging out with the family, and decompressing.

So there it is. I am still reading, amongst other things.

On to The Complete Sherlock Holmes

2011-05-22T19:44:00.000-07:00

So, I finished Charlotte Bronte. Wonderful book, and it absolutely spoke to me, being a person going through the writing process.

My next book is the Complete Sherlock Holmes, by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. Folks, this is by far the largest book I have read thus far. I am reading 4 novels, and over 50 short stories. The font is tiny y'all. We're taking an 8 point font max here. I almost feel like I need to go to the eye doctor for a new prescription - it is that small.

I've gone through the first two novels, and now I have a bunch of short stories before I get to the Hound of the Baskervilles. I must say it is very enjoyable reading, but I was disappointed that Sherlock Holmes used cocaine. I didn't know that. Okay, so you might say what rock have you been hiding under, and that would be the rock known as TV. Most of my knowledge of Sherlock Holmes is from Star Trek, where Data was Sherlock Holmes on the holodeck and that rad butler from The Nanny sitcom was Moriarty. Hey...I'm trying to better myself here.

Anyhoo, the experience so far is very enjoyable. It is extremely clever writing, and the endings are not completely predictable. I continue to plow through.

Charlotte Bronte ..... kindred

2011-05-17T18:55:00.000-07:00

So, I am almost done reading the autobiography of Charlotte Bronte, as written by her friend and fellow author Elizabeth Gaskell. She was a fascinating person...what a mind.

When she was 5, she could debate people in politics. Politics people! Most kids that age are trying to keep their crayolas in the lines. She led a rather quiet life with her sisters and father, and very much preferred it that way. Her life was certainly her own.

The thing I'm getting most out of this book is how she sees herself as an author, and her creative process. As a person that is working on her first novel, I found this particularly fascinating. She marveled at the people that she created out of her imagination, as I have done as well. Also, she said that she might not write for weeks or days, but when her inspiration hits, she writes and writes until her thoughts are on paper. Oh hi hello!

What a timely book to read. I have about 100 pages to go, and then I will be on to my next book in this project.

Thomas Paine - The Rights of Man

2011-05-13T18:55:00.000-07:00

Yes - I read introduction to epilogue Thomas Paine's Rights of Man.

I know this was written during a time when the written word was the primary source for enlightenment, entertainment and edification. I respect that, and indeed the book was beautifully written. It encompasses the best principles for a beautiful governnment.

Thomas Paine was basically writing to counter the claims of a Mr. Burke, a Brit who found the French Revolution to be an awful endeavor, and waxed eloquent on the beauty that is financing an aristocracy.

If I had to address Mr. Burke in the present day, I would have done it more succinctly.

Mr. Burke......yo mama. And thus ends my commentary...almost.

Of course, when Thomas Paine wrote, the weight of the pen, I believe, had more value, and whoa did he have the gift of gab. It was beautiful to read, and I encourage anyone that enjoys freedom to read his work.

And now I am almost half done with my next assigned book. I am reading The Life of Charlotte Bronte, written by Elizabeth Gaskell. She was Bronte's friend, and an excellent writer in her own right. I am thoroughly enjoying it, and will save my opinions for the next post.

Tess of the D'Urbervilles

2011-03-31T17:48:00.000-07:00

Man....this book made me angry. Tess gets raped, has a baby that subsequently dies. Tries to live a quiet life, knowing that Victorian standards have made her an undesireable marriage partner. Then, a dood totally crushes on her, she resists and resists, tries to tell him her terrible past, which he does not allow, and then after they are finally married, she has the opportunity to tell him, and does, and he shuns her.

So flipping angry at this book.

I won't give away the ending, but it is not a happy one. Granted, the prose was extremely pretty. Thomas Hardy had his way around a sentence, and he did know lots of 50 cent words, but still, this book hacked me off.

But, I'm still glad I read it. I am very happy with this project. I feel like I am learning a lot, and that is exactly what I wanted to happen.

So, I picked yet another random number, and I am reading The Rights of Man by Thomas Paine.

"These are the times that try men's souls." Powerful. People just don't talk like that anymore. We are losing creativity whilst delving deeper and deeper into social comfort and convenience. And I am writing that sentence on a blog. We have come full circle.

Babar - the author was a freak

2011-03-26T13:12:00.000-07:00

So, my second book was The Story of Babar. As it is a children's book, this was the very first time I had to go into the children's department in the library.

All of the shelves were waist high, so I had to stoop to find the book.

I must have looked like a sight. Anyhoo, I found the book, and read it. I have come to the conclusion that there is a very good reason that this book was not in the adult section. You need to possess a certain quality called suspension of disbelief, which children seem to have in abundance and adults, who are used to the cold, hard reality of things, have a hard time with.

My first problem with the book was in the very beginning, Babar's mom gets shot. This is the reason that I only watched Bambi once y'all. ONCE. I do not dig seeing dead animals, especially in something geared towards children. Strike one against the book.

Then, Babar decides to walk to France, from Africa no less, where he befriends an old lady, who proceeds to put him in a pair of pants. What is so wrong with being an elephant. It is lame and racist of the old biddy. Strike two.

Further into the story, he marries his cousin Celeste. Um hello? YOUR COUSIN? Do they want babies with two tails or something. Freaks. Strike three.

So there you have it, I read a children's book that I should have just read as a child, but as a child I probably would have not liked it, since I do not dig dead animals in books.

Once I finished Babar, I picked my next number, which was 39. I am currently reading Tess of the D'Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy.

And done!

2011-03-14T07:20:00.000-07:00

I have read The Origin of Species cover to cover. It feels like such an accomplishment getting through that book! I present you with my thoughts on the work.

Darwin was passionate about his work, and that certainly comes through in the writing. It is certainly not a book meant for pleasure reading, as it is extremely academic. I did learn some fascinating things about animals, and I am glad for that knowledge. My problem with the book is that Darwin tried to be way to mathematical and scientific about nature. If nature has proven anything to us, it is that nature is crazy, complicated, beautiful and tragic at the same time. How can nature be presented in a neat little scientific package? It can't be, and that is why this book is such a polarizing topic to this day.

Once I was done with the book, I went to my computerized random number generator, and asked for another number. I was given the number 45, and scanned my reading list in great anticipation, all the time hoping I did not have to read War and Peace quite yet.

I got Babar, by Jean de Brunhoff. I laughed out loud when I saw that I would be reading a much loved children's book, and one that I cannot recall ever reading. Since my reading list just said "Babar," and there are quite a few Babar books, I decided that I should read the very first book, The Story of Babar, published first in 1931.

And then I went to Outback with my husband and had beer and steak.

So, since my beloved main branch of the public library is closed today, tomorrow I will visit the children's department and pick up the book. It is tempting to get another book from my reading list out at the same time, but I will wait until I finish Babar first. It's a whole 47 pages long, plus illustrations!

Chapter 13

2011-03-11T11:57:00.000-08:00

Looks like I have 100 pages to go. So close to the end. Man, this is a hard book to digest, but I'm getting there. I'm tempted to plow through, and perhaps finish the book today. It is tempting, because I'd really like to know what my next book will be, and I've told myself that I will not get to pick the next book until I finish my current book.

So you don't think I'm a glutton for punishment when it comes to reading, I do have two other books that I am currently reading for pleasure. I usually have a book on CD in my car. The radio bores me, and I find books interesting and relaxing during my commute to and from work. Currently I am listening to Charleston by John Jakes. This was an easy pick for me. First, I love history. Second, I love Charleston. Third, I love historical fiction. Easy choice.

My choice for lunchtime/bedtime reading is The Help by Kathryn Stockett. I'm about a dozen chapters in, and it is a fascinating read. I can hardly wait to see where the story goes next. Excellent book, and I highly recommend it.

A Sad Day for Jackalope Lovers

2011-03-09T11:20:00.000-08:00

I am onto the chapter about hybrids, and it is interesting. Did you know that hybrids are for the most part infertile? For example, a mule cannot mate with another mule and produce a mule. Mules are created by the union of a horse and a donkey.

Alas, I don't see how the famed jackalope can exist from reading this chapter. A sad day indeed.

He who tickled the aphid

2011-03-08T11:17:00.000-08:00

And so I am on Chapter 7, which is about instinct and animals that do things for the exclusive good of others. A very noble concept to say the least.

Of course Darwin did many studies to back up his theories. One of these studies involved getting aphids to excrete a sweet juice that the ants like to feed on, without the ants present. He tried to get them to excrete said juice by tickling the aphids with a single hair. Talk about devotion to his project! I of course was cracking up as I read this paragraph. Alas, the aphid would only excrete the juice when the ant was present.

Woo almost halfway through!

Chapter 7

2011-03-07T12:00:00.001-08:00

Slow slow going. I am extremely tempted to read the summary paragraph at the end of each chapter, but that feels rather like cheating .... as if I was reading the Cliff's Notes guide on the book. I am determined not to do that, although the book is extremely academic and mostly boring to my non-scientific mind.

There are fifteen chapters in this book. When I read it, I like to read a chapter at a time, interrupted. I dare not read more than that a day. It feels like a great accomplishment to get through a chapter, and knowing that I am almost half way through this first book gives me a great feeling of accomplishment.

But, as is the case with whatever I tend to read, I am learning interesting things. I am learning little factoids about animals, and that is interesting. I'm sure these facts will eventually come out in random dinner conversation, and people will look at me with a quizzical brow. "Oh wow...the pretty lady knows something other than what was on TV last night?" Imagine that.

I am the queen of unfinished projects, many in the creative realm. I was very pleased with myself that I finished one of those projects during our very rainy Saturday this past weekend: a beaded bracelet. Not only did I finish it, but I created a necklace, bracelet and earrings out of some very pretty left-over beads, and wore them out that night. Happy happy. I still have a large needlepoint, a painting and my novel to finish. I think I shall work on a bit of the needlepoint tonight.

Chapter 5

2011-02-28T10:22:00.000-08:00

Oy this is slow going. Why oh why did a random number choice land on an academic book, and in my most hated subject of science? Alas, I will get through this. I have a task before me, and I will not give up.

I still would have much preferred the number choice landed on Gone with the Wind, but there's always hope for the next book!

Chapter 4

2011-02-21T07:58:00.000-08:00

I am on Chapter 4 of Darwin's Origin of Species.

Dood is verbose to say the least. I can tell he has a great passion for the subject, and he certainly has done tons and tons of research, but I think he is being a bit too mathematical about life and nature. At least that is my impression of the work so far.

Also, I was surprised to read that he said that God created every living thing. If you ask Christians who have never read anything on him, you would think he was the boogeyman or something. It is so important to get your own facts, rather than rely on sweeping generalizations from some other source.

And I plow on.

Number 79

2011-02-18T06:23:00.001-08:00

I knew going into this that there would be some books that I did not want to read. But, I decided that I would give all of the books on the list a fair shake, and would read them. I stand by that statement.

The random number chosen was 79. As I scanned down the list, I saw that it would be a science book. I always loathed science in school (I was more of a literature/history sorta gal), so I felt my face scrunch up as I saw what was chosen.

On The Origin of Species, by Charles Darwin.

I am a born again Christian. I believe in Creation. I will not get in a debate about this. This will be a good book for me to read. To read something completely unassociated with myself and my beliefs is good mental exercise. This is the essence of good conversation: to be well versed in both sides of the argument.

So today during my lunch, I will take a stroll to my beloved main branch of the public library, and will take out the tome. According to the website, it is "available." Imagine that! I figured there would be a waiting list.

Oh hai...this thing still on

2011-02-17T14:07:00.000-08:00

I consider myself mercurial. When I think of something creative to do, I must do it and do it right dang now. I was thinking ... minding my own business really...when the idea pops in my head: how well read am I?

I like reading, and of course read the mandatory classics in high school, but is that enough? It is all encompassing? Could I really hold a decent conversation? It bores me to tears when people ramble on incessantly about the Real Housewives, or that vile Jersey Shore show (so glad I don't get that channel). Does anybody read anymore?

Books should be read. There are scores of books on library shelves languishing in dust and neglect. If you don't have a library card, get one! Don't give all of your money to amazon or those electronic Kindle things. Have a book in your hands, feel the weight of it, flip the pages and use a bookmark that you love.

So, for a lark, I googled "well read reading list," and up popped a list of 110 classics. It looked rather comprehensive - I knew I wanted to read Alexis de Tocqueville - so when I saw his tome on the list I decided that I had found a good starting place.

I've decided that I am going to give all of these books my attention. Even the ones that I really don't want to read. I guess I am finally going to read that Harry Potter book that a couple people have picked up. Are you familiar with that one?

I have numbered the list from 1 to 110, and for the first selection, I have e-mailed someone I know, and have asked said person to pick a number at random from 1 to 110. Whatever number is chosen is the book that I will pick up from the library.

Game on!

I love where I work

2009-08-26T06:15:00.000-07:00

I work in a historic building on 4th Avenue North here in downtown Nashville. The back of the building is on Printer's Alley, named for the printing business that took place in the early 1900's. In fact, if you are standing in Printer's Alley, on the Church Street side, and looking south at the building across the street, you can see where the words "Nashville Banner" used to be affixed over the door. It was the defunct paper's main office.

But enough with history. I could go on forever.

Today the alley is better known for strip clubs, bars and music. It looks sketchy in the early morning, and it smells like stale beer and urine if they have not hosed down the street good enough.

The alley is a favorite place for artists. I have seen Dolly Parton shoot a video, and many photographers take musicians here for a mad cool backdrop. It is not unusual to see many things going on.

The past couple days I have noticed a big production going on. They even have a trailer for craft services, so I knew it was a big deal. The first day they shot at Boubon Street Blues Bar, and yesterday they were at a cool looking residential property across the street.

Last night I noticed a throng of people surrounding a guy, who was signing autographs, as I was just coming up to my Printer's Alley Parking Garage.

It was Luke Perry, of Beverly Hills 90210 fame. He looked rather petite in stature to my eye. I guess they look bigger on TV. I was never really into 90210, so I went about my business of getting home.

This morning I saw a security guard patrolling the trailers, so I asked him what was going on. He said they were shooting a movie called "Bailey" about a jazz musician. Luke Perry starred in it, and Michael Clark Duncan (from the Green Mile) was the other star, and was around the set a lot.

I WOULD HAVE REALLY LIKED TO MEET HIM! Who did not love his character in The Green Mile?

Anyhoo, the nice security guard said they were finishing up in Printers Alley today, and were moving on to their next location later today, somewhere in Germantown, which is a historic neighborhood in North Nashville.

40,000

2009-08-19T14:18:00.000-07:00

I am now at 40,000 words. I cannot believe how quickly the sexy curves are coming to me. I guess it is because I worked on the skeleton for so long, I am able to pull out bits of story and back track or expound to carry the details through the length of the book.

This is really fun y'all.

So today during my break I figured out the sequence of days, shifted around some stuff to make it flow better, and now know where I need to fill in more story line. I don't know if other writers do it this way, but it just makes sense to me.

My brother in law is an excellent artist, so I have asked him to work on the cover art for The Riverview. Give my building a face that readers can connect with it.

Today as I walked back from the library, I looked at the buildings along Church Street, and in my mind I had random facts about them.

For example, the Methodist Church used to be wider. They had two bell towers, one on each side. At some point, they got lopped off. That's why it looks like a big cube.

The Cohen Building, that cute building next to The Viridian that was recently refurbished - it was once owned by Meyer and Etta Cohen. Meyer ran a jewelry store on the street level of the building, and their residence was on the first floor. Etta enjoyed the view from the front balcony on Church Street, which was their bedroom.

I could go on for many many more paragraphs about the notorious Climax and Utopia, both on 4th Avenue North. But neener neener you will just have to read my book.

I hope people dig it, but I especially hope the people of Nashville dig it, since there is so much history that they will learn.

A Day in the Life

2009-08-17T07:57:00.000-07:00

August 17, 2009
5:52 am - Turn alarm off and sleep until 6:30.
6:30 - 7:30 - Shower, dress, eat breakfast and try to give a thyroid pill down my cranky 18 year old cat with out getting bitten. Glad I'm up to date on my tetanus shot.
7:30 - 8:00 - Drive to work, park and walk down dodgy alley to work building.
8:00 - 11:30 - Work work work
11:30 - 12:30 - Eat lunch (Russian Kidney Bean Salad today!) and proofread my book for the eleventy seventh time.
12:30 - 5:00 - Work work work
5:00 - 5:30 - Drive to Coleman Center
5:30 - 6:30 - Work out at Coleman Center until I am a sweaty beast.
6:30 - 6:45 - Drive home.
7:00 - 7:15 - Shower until I am not a sweaty beast.
7:30 - 7:45 - Cook dinner. Tonight we are having fish tacos. Quick and delicious!
8:00 - bandaid on fingers o'clock - Give Inky her other thyroid pill.
8:00 - 10:00 - Watch movie. Tonight we are watching Heat with Al Pacino and Robert DeNiro. Hope it doesn't suck.
10:00 - whenever I fall asleep - Watch Andy Griffith until I pass out. That show relaxes me. Must be the Barney Fife factor.

The end.

Words count

2009-08-14T12:30:00.000-07:00

Y'all. So today I wondered how many words I have written for my book, so I did a word count.

I have written 35,000 words. I don't think I've ever written so many words in a single document ever.

According to research I have done online, 50,000 to 110,000 words would be considered a novel, and most publishers won't touch a first novel that is less than 70,000 words.

This means I am at the half-way point I guess. I must say that I am really enjoying the sexy curves, adding the fat to my muscular skeleton of a story. I am learning so much about Nashville.

I am having fun!

The Way I Roll

2009-08-13T10:43:00.000-07:00

I am a person with many unfinished projects. Current unfinished projects are:

A beaded bracelet
A scarf
My novel
Cleaning out my closet

I tried to tackle the last one a couple weeks ago. Really, I did. But when I pulled my craft box out of my closet, it opened up yet another project.

A few years ago I was really into making beaded jewelry, and I made some very pretty creations that to this day I wear and will continue to wear. I did throw out some things that I knew I would never, ever do, and would be pointless to donate, so I did make some progress. But I found a bag full of adorable necklaces and bracelets, complete with clasps, that I really needed to do something with.

So, I paired up matching necklaces with bracelets (they are all chains of six petal - or bead - flowers in a rainbow of colors) and put them in tiny baggies. I then unearthed my loose beads and findings (clasps, jump rings, etc.) and decided to make necklaces and bracelets where already completed jewelry needed a mate. All in all, when I made mates and bagged them, I had 45 sets. I am very active in my church, and I know the children's minister well, so I asked her if she had any use for the jewelry I made. Turned out she did. They were preparing goodie bags for the children, and they would be a perfect addition. So, I gave the jewelry to her on Sunday, and little girls received them. I can't wait to start seeing the girls in my church wearing something I made. I'm happy that I could bless the church with my creations.

I still have more beads, and I've decided to make the simple daisy jewelry until my bead and finding supply is exhausted. The children's minister said that anything else I contributed could be sold in the little goodie store available at church for the children. This makes me very happy. Since I'm in such a bead state of mind, I might even finish the free form beaded bracelet I started many moons ago.

But now more ideas are popping in my head for my book, so I know it will not be long before I am at work on it. My next stops will be the Tennessee State Archives and Property Records. I love researching turn of the 20th century Nashville. I am finding so much about my beloved city. This is the fun part! Time for more sexy curves!

8 lbs

2009-08-06T07:14:00.000-07:00

Y'all, I am 8 pounds away from my short term weight goal. That's less than 10!

See, I can do math.

I haven't seen the scale this low in a few years. I would like to give big smooches to myself for going to the doctor. If I hadn't have gone to the doctor, I would never have known about my extremely lazy thyroid. Thanks to that lovely pill I take every day, and the exercise I now enjoy, my clothes are looser, and I feel like a million bucks. Joy.

In celebration of this, I shall take down the picture of myself that is a year old. I love my short hair. It's time to celebrate it on this blog.

8 pounds ain't nothing when I've already lost 30!

August 22

2009-08-04T08:56:00.000-07:00

My birthday always puts me in a pensive state.

I am right now going through visions in my mind of past birthday parties in my back yard in New York, with the Slip n Slide glowing like the sun in the heat of the day. Me, at the head of the picnic table, with my playmates sitting around me. I am wearing a swimsuit soaked from countless runs down the Slip n Slide. I look down at a lovely home-made, chocolate frosted cake (hopefully with marshmallow fluff between the layers).

And then the presents, a plastic bounty is set out in front of me. Oooh, the Baskin and Robins Honey Hill bunch set! I played with that for hours and hours until the plastic seams began to bust, showing a thin layer of padding.

I loved this so much.

So I have my 38th birthday coming up. Last year's birthday was so wonderful. Mark and I went to Maggiano's on my actual birthday, and went to Chattanooga for the weekend, and had a very pretty time. I felt like a princess.

This year? Mark is taking me to Bonefish Grill, which I just found out this year to be rather awesome. I look forward to a fun time and good memories!

So what are birthdays about? I think I get them now that I have fleshed this out. It's about fun, and being around friends and family. And cake, lots of cake. Hopefully strawberry cake with pink frosting. I am a girl after all.

Labour of Love

2009-07-29T19:38:00.000-07:00

And now I have that awesome UB-40 album in my head. That's right, I said album, remember those?

Anyhoo the reason for my post. My labor of love has been my book. The book that I write every now and then when I get such an amazing idea that I cannot rest until it has been typed for perpetuity. The other day though, I figured out the ending.

I could have cried y'all. I love it. I just love it.

So I started with the skeleton, now have lean muscle affixed, and am now ready to add the fat, the sexy curves if you will. My excellent boss is on a well-deserved vacation for two weeks, and, since my desk is unnaturally clear of clutter, I decided, with blessings of course, to take a "staycation." Tomorrow I shall go to the Nashville Room at the main branch of the Nashville Public Library, and get lost in the downtown Nashville of 1901. I want to see pictures of old buildings, of merry people looking taciturn because they are waiting for the camera plate to be properly exposed. I want to get enough stuff to fill my brain and my book with imagery of a bygone time. Tomorrow morning I shall be a library nerd, and I cannot wait. This is the fun part - time for the sexy curves.

Sneakers on Power Lines

2009-07-21T07:37:00.001-07:00

The last stretch of my drive home is the best. When I turn on to Trousdale Road from Harding Road, my view goes from commercial to residential in as much time as it took to read this. Crieve Hall is an older community in Nashville, filled with ranch houses on large parcels of land. Big old trees (the best kind) form a shady canopy over the road, and the road curves and dips just enough to make it reminiscent of a kid's roller coaster.

Driving at 35 mph gives me a chance to survey my peaceful surroundings. Dogs merrily running with their humans, cats lounging in pockets of sun on driveways, gardens bursting with produce are seen whichever way I turn my head.

But yesterday I saw something I usually ignore. I saw a pair of sneakers dangling from a power line. I thought to myself what is up with this? I have seen this phenomena in many places, but never pondered it long enough to wonder why people would do such a thing. It just seems such a Little Rascals sort of thing to do.

Aren't they just the cutest little things?

So I thought that today I would google the subject to find out what the deal was, and there is a wealth of urban legendry on this topic. According to about.com, a popular belief is that sneakers dangling from utility wires designates "gang territory." Y'all I just don't see that happening in my neighborhood. Granted, we have crime, but most of the residents in my area are either the elderly, or young families. I have never seen kids sporting gang colors on their way to Crieve Hall Elementary School.

Another urban myth associated with this is that teenage boys who have just um "scored" for the first time will chuck their converse over a power line in celebration. Meh I dunno about this. Firstly, do you know how expensive sneakers are these days? And also, wouldn't stupid boys that want to display their stupidity by texting on their phones or posting something tacky on facebook? Again, this sort of activity seems so low-tech - not something our technologically advanced youth would do.

So I guess the sneakers on the wire in my hood will remain a mystery. If these fools have sneakers to spare, they should donate them to charity or something.

I just want a cool band-aid

2009-07-01T13:35:00.000-07:00

Ya know, as most girls think, I like to think of myself as low maintenance. I don't need many material or physical things to make me happy. The following things are a sampling of things that make me happy.

1. A dog riding in a car with his head out the window.
2. Cool, fresh sheets on the bed.
3. A perfectly ripe and beautiful tomato.
4. Funny or colorful band-aids.

The last one is extremely important y'all. I get my blood drawn every time I go to the doctor (nothing scary - it's just to check my thyroid). My doctor loves tests, and because of his love of tests they take a bunch of blood. Hey, I like information, and if they've already stuck me they can take all the blood they need, leaving me with the blood I need thankyouverymuch.

The phlebotomist that usually sticks me is pretty awesome, but at the end of the transaction I feel very much cheated. She quickly put a cotton ball on the wound, and affixed it with horrible surgical tape....the tape that rips off a layer of skin.

I would dig a Hello Kitty band-aid, or perhaps some rad graphic or zebra stripes, anything is better than the cheapo cotton and tape route.

So yeah....that's really all I have to say.

Much Love for the Cowboy Caviar

2009-06-30T13:40:00.000-07:00

Oh hi hello. You have probably visited my blog in search of Cowboy Caviar. Welcome. I am happy you are here, and hope you find the recipe as delicious as I do. I get lots of hits daily from folks just like you that googled "Cowboy Caviar," so I thought I would create a post in honor of people that dig the sort of food that I do.

If you prepare the recipe, and enjoy it, please oh please let me know by leaving a comment. It would be fun, and ever so much appreciated.

If you also like funny writing, there are two extremely true posts I am rather proud of.

Serve and Protect

and

No autographs please

Anyhoo, thanks for stopping by!

Zumba!

2009-06-26T10:59:00.000-07:00

Oh hi hello neglected blog. In earlier posts I have documented my attempts at exercise, and to be blunt, they we epic fails.

Until now.

Because of this program I am in, I have been given a 6 month membership to Metro Parks & Recreation Facilities. When I received it, I knew this was a great opportunity, and I was not going to let it go to waste. Nosireeeebub not me.

Y'all I was never athletic. In high school I was not in any sport, other than the required gym classes. In college I took yoga. It could be safely said that I am a left-handed person in a right handed world, and boy do I have the bruises to prove it.

My name is Tina, and I am a klutz. Where are the understanding nods and hugs of encouragement?

The machines and nautilus equipment were easy enough to understand, and now I am comfortable with them. For cool up and down, I walked the elevated track surrounding the open gym, but I was still not using the opportunity I had to its fullest, and I knew it.

The exercise class.

I got a schedule and some of the offerings looked like torture to me. Body Ball Class? Uh I have enough issues with balance without having to teeter on a sphere. Crunch Craze? I think not. It sounds like my abs would hate me so bad.

But Zumba sounded like fun. So I googled it and lo and behold there were plenty of youtube entries. It looked like fun too! It didn't look like torture! It is aerobics and dance elements, all to latin or hip hop music. I just wondered if I would display some tragic white-woman boogie moves a la Elaine from Seinfeld.

Tonight I go to my third class, and I can hardly wait. I rumba, samba, and shake my bootie just like the others in my class, and I don't give a damn if I look like a fool. It is just that much fun.

Inspiration

2009-05-28T13:18:00.000-07:00

I have been selfish with myself for a spell. That's one of the reasons (excuses) for not writing here. I don't know that selfish is the best word. I'm not really a selfish person, more like selfless to a fault, so that self care feels selfish.

I have been selfcare with myself for a spell. That's better, if you will excuse my grammar.

Today I went to the main branch of the Nashville Public Library (for serious when am I not there) to hear Ann Patchett read a short story.

Y'all she was lovely, inside and out. I loved hearing her brain on her own written page being spoken in her voice. There was laughter in the conference room, I saw people with their heads cocked like cute dogs, looking thoughfully as she spoke.

At the end, she said she was told by a professor to write about what you know. And that "what you know" could come from anywhere. She said she was a student of silence, of staring, of observing.

Hey....I'm good at that!

So I am back to my book, you know, the book that I keep damn talking about. It is to tight. The story is too wrapped in itself. I knew for a long time that I needed to loosen it up so that it could breathe. The story needs air, and I think I have figured out how to breathe life into its nostrils.

I am so glad that I went, and am thankful for the inspiration.

Blog hate

2009-05-06T06:22:00.000-07:00

Turns out that I am the kind of blogger I hate. You know...you visit the site every now and then, because you connected in some way with the blogger. Time after time you are visited by the same stale, old post, because the blogger hasn't posted in forever. And then you are pissed. Dammit you want to be entertained. Post someting already!

Oh hi hello me.

You've seen the apologies before. I shan't bore you with one. It would be lame, and it sounds so lame in my head that I cannot force my fingers to type the necessary characters. My fingers may be developing a separate consciousness. Scary.

So I shall bring you up to date on my... well myself. I haven't been excercising, because exercising sucks and I am having a difficult time squeezing it into my schedule. I'm hopeful that will change, but I am also hopeful that I will win the powerball. So there's that.

Last week I had a "Staycation." I took a week off from work and stayed home. I think it was the very best vacation I ever had. I organized stuff, I didn't wake up to an alarm clock, I had lunch with my husband, and did lots of other stuff you just can't find the time to do when you work for da man.

But the very best thing I did was that I finally donated 10" of hair to Locks of Love. My hair was absolutely driving me nuts, so it was time. I now have a kicky short do. I will post a picture when I have one that is cute enough. There is one problem though. I seem to be suffering from something that I call "Phantom Ponytail Syndrome." 99% of the time my hair was kept in a ponytail so that it did not annoy me. I was used to brushing it out of the way whenever it was where it shouldn't have been....too used to it. I keep reaching towards the back of my neck, and there is no hair. It is so weird...as if I have lost an appendage.

So that is really all I can think of. I know ... rather boring. I seem to be in creative flux right now. I'm not really doing anything, but I think I will shortly continue working on my book, since ideas are again popping in my head.

Don't hate me. I'm really a very nice person that is rather lame at times.

The Dogs That Are Friends

2009-03-20T06:34:00.000-07:00

There are many dogs in my neighborhood, but two certain dogs have a special place in my heart.

They are known to me as The Dogs That Are Friends. Every time I pass by their house, I look for them. I squee with joy when I see them, and am melancholy when I don't, because they are lovely.

The Dogs That Are Friends are Labs. One is golden, one is chocolate. They romp and play on the lawn, or sometimes I see them curled up in each other, making a furry ying and yang symbol. They make me so happy that I even have a song for them, but yeah that is not for your ears.

I saw them this very morning on the way to work, bouncing and running in the early sunshine. It is a good start to the day.

The Vacation at Home

2009-03-18T07:11:00.000-07:00

I have recently put in a request for my first week of vacation for 2009. Know where I'm going? Nowhere. That's right y'all, I am staying put, and having a vacation at home.

Now in past years, there have been many trips that required my passport, there have been cruises in the Mediterranean and the Bahamas, family reunions in Florida, but there is nothing on the agenda this year, and frankly (and economically) I could not be happier.

I must also say that a lot of my vacation time was used for working vacations. Dear husband is a photographer, and we have shot weddings all over the place, even Europe. Now, I'm not complaining about getting paid to work for one day and building a trip around that, but there was always an element of stress and pressure. My vacation at home will have none of that.

So, the last week of April, I will be a homebody. I will get up naturally, rather than hearing an obnoxious alarm clock.

I will do those things I have wanted to do forever, like organize my closet. That's right closet, I will control you.

I will go to the grocery store one mid-morning during the week, and stroll around the aisles, rather than hurry through the market one night after work.

I will go out to lunch with my husband, rather than eat a nuked Lean Cuisine.

I will garden. My deck consists of weathered pots and tired soil with the last remants of last year's herbs. I will bring it back to life.

And most of all I will have the quiet enjoyment of my home. I have never had a vacation like this, and it might just be the best one ever.

Springy Spring

2009-03-10T14:33:00.000-07:00

Ahhhhh today is the warmest day of the year so far in Nashville. The weather astrologer says it is 77 degrees outside. I am celebrating the warmth and wind.

I wore sandals to work. My toes are free and merry.

I walked around downtown during lunch, without a scarf or overcoat.

Just a few more minutes until I can be outside again, with the warm wind embracing me like a favorite blanket. I will walk the short and sketchy journey to my car, turn on the radio, and roll down my windows. Even though I the drive will be windy, I will have my windows down, and I won't care if my hair looks like I put my finger in an electrical socket. When I get home I will open the windows. My cats will perch on the window ledges looking out at the psychotic kids that play in the cul-de-sac. Their noses and whiskers will be twitching ... trying to figure out what the wind smells like. Eau-de-nearby-dog perhaps?

Oh good the clock says there are less minutes until my departure. Come on 5:00. I must go!

In Anticipation of Saturday

2009-03-06T07:19:00.001-08:00

I love a Saturday when I don't have anything planned. Tomorrow is such a Saturday, and what will I do to celebrate not having a damn thing to do?

I shall make bread...two kinds, and I will clean my diaster of a house.

I know you are jealous of my jet-set sorta lifestyle, but I'm sure you will get over it.

I am going to make pita bread and regular white bread. Originally I was just going to make one loaf of bread, but Smitten Kitchen posted a dead simple recipe for pita bread, so I must make it. I have a cast iron skillet that would be just perfect for baking the pita bread. I'm pumped, and the house will smell like heaven. The pita recipe says the longer the dough can develop, the better, so I am going to make it tonight and let it do it's thang in the fridge. Tomorrow morning I will start on the loaf, and clean the house when I'm not punching the dough down.

Oh! And an update on how I'm doing in the excercise department. So far, I have been on the dreadmill three times, and I feel pretty good about that. Tonight I will probably skip it, because I will be busy in the kitchen, but I think tomorrow I will hike the 1.6 mile trail around Ellington Agricultural Center, which is just a hop and a skip from my house. The weather is supposed to be very nice, and since I'll be in need of fresh air after inhaling bathroom chemicals, the timing is perfect.

Best wishes for a happy Saturday!

Accountability

2009-03-03T09:55:00.000-08:00

Spring is coming, and that means a change in wardrobe is coming too.

2008 was a pretty wonderful year for me in the weight loss department. In February of that year, I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism, and once I started getting my thyroid under control (thanks to a little pill I take every day) and the fact that I had to walk 15 minutes every morning and evening, since I parked far away from where I worked, I lost 3o pounds.

But now that I park just around the corner from work, my activity level has slacked off bigtime.

So getting back to the wardrobe thing, I am now fitting very nicely in my lovely suits that languished in the back of my closet, but I have even lovelier suits, perfect for springtime, that are a size smaller than what I am currently wearing.

Accountability. I know that if I don't set a goal, I will slack off. So here's my goal list for this month.

1. Get on the treadmill at least three times a week, or walk outside in nice weather for at least 1.5 miles.
2. Use the step and step aerobic CD that I have never done since I bought it 4 times this month.

Those are realistic goals. I don't eat really bad, and my alcohol intake is less that usual, so I'm not going to go crazy and get militant about everything.

Last night I got on the treadmill and walked for 1.5 miles, and whilst I was walking, I watched the step aerobic DVD. You do need some semblance of coordination to do even the beginniner's level, but it looked doable. Can I tell you how great I felt after I accomplished my walk? I am looking forward to tonight's walk, and fitting into my pretty clothing once again.

I think I shall do a weekly post to keep myself on track.

Library Book Club

2009-02-25T07:41:00.000-08:00

So, I went to my first meeting of the Third Thursday Library Book Club in my hood. I gotta tell you, I was a bit nervous. The book that we read, Bridge of Sighs by Richard Russo, was big, and very intense. Not at all like the books that I usually read, but it's good to stretch your brain muscles.

I wondered if what I said would be valid, would these fellow clubbers be super brainiacs, who thought their opinion was THE opinion to have? I walked into the library, clutching the tome, and walked to the conference room.

It was a lovely experience y'all. The group was all ladies, although there are members of the opposite sex. They were all shapes, colors and ages, and had interesting points of view. I was not shy at all. I said what was on my mind, and people listened and commented. It was a great time, and after an hour we were done.

I have the next book that the club is reading, called Reading Lolita in Tehran by Azar Nafisi. I think I am really going to dig being a member of the club, because I am going to read things I probably would never have given a second glance, and it is nice to have something that is entirely my own, even though I love the time I spend with my husband.

The Plant Lady

2009-02-06T12:28:00.001-08:00

The building I work in has a lot of plants. So, they get a person to come in to water and maintain them. Since I have a black thumb, I think this is wonderful, except for one thing: The plant lady is an incessant talker.

Now I do not mind chatting with someone, but I do mind being chatted to, and she talks "at" people about really boring shit.

For example, she will say "how are you?" A person would say back "fine.....and you?"

And that is the problem. When you say "and you." She launches in to whatever shit she has on her mind, and there is no way to escape, unless the phone rings or you spontaneously vomit into your trashcan.

I am not alone in my opinion of the plant lady. Co-workers will excuse themselves to the bathroom, or pretend to be on the phone. If they are lucky enough to work in an office with the door, some will just lock their doors.

Yesterday I hid in the bathroom. It was wonderful. When I knew she had left, I told my office manager, who then unlocked her door.

I mean really, how do you combat this? I don't want to be mean and say "Hey plant lady, your shit is boring, can you give my plant a drink and move on?"

Cowboy Caviar

2009-02-02T08:54:00.000-08:00

Edit: There is much love for this recipe, according to the many googlers that find my site because of it, so I have created a post of thanks just for you. Follow this link!

So last night I went to a Super Bowl party. Each couple was supposed to bring a dish to share. Since the party was a good thirty minutes away from my house, I really did not want to prepare a hot dish, that would be eaten lukewarm at the party. So, I decided to make a cold recipe.

COWBOY CAVIAR!

You may be asking yourself.....what is this crazy lady talking about? Is there really caviar in there? No friends. I do not know who came up with the name, but it is a wonderful hearty dish. Here is a picture of the dish before it was devoured:

Isn't it lovely? Here is the recipe, courtesy of Recipezaar:

Ingredients
1 (11 ounce) can white shoepeg corn, drained
1 (15 ounce) can black-eyed peas, drained
2-3 roma tomatoes
2/3 cup fresh cilantro, chopped
1-2 avocados
1/3 cup green onion, chopped

Dressing
1/4 cup olive oil
1/4 teaspoon garlic (minced, chopped, whatever)
1/8 teaspoon black pepper
1/4 cup garlic red wine vinegar
1 teaspoon cumin

Directions
1Mix all dressing ingredients together and set aside.
2Mix all veggies together in a large bowl.
3Add dressing and mix together well.

Since roma tomatoes are absolutely pitiful right now, I used canned diced tomatoes that I drained well, and they were delicious. I also used regular red wine vinegar, and added a can of black beans. I let the beans, corn and tomatoes soak in the dressing overnight before I added the other ingredients. It was served with Tostitos scoops, and everyone loved it!

This could also be used as a side dish or as a salsa for fish or chicken. Try it!

25 Ways of Randomness

2009-01-27T06:37:00.000-08:00

So I got tagged on Facebook by a friend to list 25 random things about myself. It was hard, but fun, and people had nice things to say about my list. I figured I'd post it here too for your entertainment. Here 'tis.

1. I am left handed.
2. I no longer have my appendix, but do have my tonsils and wisdom teeth.
3. I would really like an apartment on Place Vendome in Paris.
4. I wear my tiara when I clean the house.
5. I miss my grandfather - a lot.
6. I have an irrational fear of kites.
7. Teddy Roosevelt is my favorite president. Most of my non-fiction books are about him.
8. I am writing a book, and I think it is rather awesome.
9. I really hate peas, but I'm cool with all the other vegetables.
10. I was almost not here. My great grandmother was supposed to be on the Titanic, but she missed the boat. My grandmother had not been born yet.
11. I can type over 100 words a minute when I'm on a roll.
12. Dear Chicago by Ryan Adams is my favorite song.
13. I have a rainbow slinky on my desk.
14. My heart has been broken once.
15. Taxidermy freaks me out.
16. I am growing my hair long to donate to locks of love.
17. I am giving blood for the first time on Feb. 1 to get over my fear of needles.
18. My favorite soup is tortellini on brodo, but it is impossible to find meat tortellini in Nashville.
19. I think I would clean up if I was a contestant on Jeopardy.
20. I absolutely love living in Nashville.
21. The building I work in has a secret passageway, and a ghost.
22. Mark, my husband, is my very best friend.
23. I go to the downtown library at least three times each week during lunch.
24. My cat, Inky, is 17 years old. She came down here from New York with me.
25. I enjoy cooking, but would rather have a chef!

An attempt to be quasi-social

2009-01-26T12:22:00.000-08:00

As I have said before, I am a solitary person by nature. This doesn't mean that I am shy or antisocial or anything. I just tend to prefer being on my own.....except when I don't.

This wanting to strech and find something different in my life has happened before, and I'm sure it has happened to others. For example, when I found out that the main Post Office here in Nashville was going to become a museum, and they wanted docents (fancy word for educated tour guides), I was in the first class for training. I loved it. They taught us fundamentals, and for each exhibit there was education as well, so my mind was swimming with art all the time. I gave tours on Thursday nights - the only night during the week when they were open. There's just something about a museum at night. It's cool.

But anyway I gave that up when I became president of a local business association, that I fondly refer to as the Catty Bitch Associaton. BIG MISTAKE, but a good learning experience.

So I really havent done anything extracurricular and quasi-social since then.

One of my favorite things to do during my lunch break is to walk the short distance to the main branch of the public library. I love the library, and since my taxes pay for the service, I think it should be utilized, and boy do I. So the other day I was thinking about books, and wondered if there might be a book club or something convenient for my schedule. Turns out that my branch library has a club that meets every Third Thursday. Of course, I had missed the most recent class by a few days, so I called the librarian in charge of the club. She told me the title of the book that was chosen (Bridge of Sighs by Richard Russo). On Saturday, I went to the library and picked up the book, and met the librarian I had spoken to just the day before.

She seemed like a nice lady. Will the other people be nice? Will they be freaks that smell like cabbage? Will this experience change me in a good way, like my docent and Catty Bitch presidency did? Time will tell.

I predict a follow up post on February 20, the day after the book club meets. Stay tuned.

Why I Am Not That Cool

2009-01-22T07:17:00.000-08:00

So perhaps you think I am awesome, that's fine. I think I'm rather groovy myself. You may be wondering, why did I pick Not That Cool for my blog name? Well, I think it sounds funny, and I'm all about the funny.

Another resason I picked the name is because it happens to be the title of one of my favorte songs by a Nashville artist, Will Hoge (scroll down in the song list to find Not That Cool). I have extremely fond memories of seeing him in concert at various venues here in town. It's a fun, upbeat song, and I consider myself fun and upbeat, so there ya go.

But, in furtherance to support how I am "Not That Cool," I present the following truthful facts.

1. I wear extremely silly socks as much as I can.

2. I also wear a tiara, outdoors. I have been seen at Outback wearing my tiara. No lie. Here's a picture of me just before we left for Outback.

3. I really love the movie Xanadu. Don't even fight me on this point.

4. I have unnatural fears of kites and taxidermy.

5. I really hate ricotta cheese. This is tragic for someone that is from an Italian family.

6. I know my 16 digit library card number by heart.

7. I have been known to drink wine from a box.

Oh sure, there are more, and they make the wonderful person that is typing this post ever so interesting. So yeah I'm Not That Cool.

Heaven smells like bread

2009-01-20T12:35:00.000-08:00

When I get in the mood to do something, I must do it.....dammit. So yesterday I was off from work, and I was sitting in the living room, catching up on The Tudors (oh hi hello Jonathan Rhys Myers). When I am home for any length of time, I feel the need to do something domestic. That morning was consumed with cleaning, and I did a good amount, but that afternoon, even though fixated on British sexiness on the TV, I wasn't in complete domestic bliss. I looked over at my clean kitchen, and decided it needed a thin film of flour covering, well, everything. It was just too clean. So I made bread.

I have a love hate relationship with making bread. Sometimes it comes out good, but mostly it is just ehhhhh....at least the house smells good. Well my two friends, the bread I made yesterday was smack yo momma on the fanny fantastic. I googled "very easy bread recipe" and was rewarded with this link.

I did exactly what the author said. I mixed and kneaded and let it rise for the exact amount of time specified. I punched it, rolled it out, and slapped it in the oven (boy I sound violent). I let it bake for precisely 30 minutes, and turned it out onto a rack to cool.

Y'all I think heaven must smell like baked bread, because that's what my house smelled like. As instructed, I let that loaf cool. I did not cut into it, even though I REALLY wanted to. Shortly after taking it out, dear Husband said "oh hi we're going out to dinner with the Smiths."

"Cool." I thought, since any night that I don't have to cook is good.

"They are treating." Dear husband said.

"Rawk." I thought, but then looked lovingly over at the bread. I went over to my creation and touched it. It was still warm, so I decided to leave it out whilst we dined.

I noticed throughout dinner that my hair smelled like bread. It's a sexier than Chanel y'all.

When we came back home it still smelled like bread. The loaf was cool, so I got out my bread knife, and cut. The bread kept its form, and the slices looked like real bread slices, like you might get at the store. My past attempts looked like mutants, so I was pretty stoked. I decided, since I usually don't eat the ends on store bought bread, that I would eat the ends of my creation that night, since they were super skinny.

OMG IT WAS SO FRIGGIN GOOD. The innards were soft, and the crust was buttery (since I brushed butter on before cooking) and flaky.

Friends, if you ever feel the need to bake bread, use the linked recipe. It is the bomb!

Say Hello to my Little Frennn....

2009-01-13T18:20:00.000-08:00

I work in a building in downtown Nashville that was built in 1896. It is mad cool. There are a lot of old details that have been preserved, and we even have a secret passageway. In this day of homogenized and pasteurized buildings that touch the sky, I feel extremely lucky to work in such a fascinating place.

Except for one thing.....the creepy crawlies known as spiders.

Y'all here in my building there are two particular kinds of spiders. The first is the brown recluse, who really don't want to bother anyone, until they are, in their spidey brains, provoked, and then they bite you, and it is poison. Seriously it is some bad shit.

Then there is the other that I see every now and then, the wolf spider. They are ugly as sin, and kinda big as far as robust spiders go, so yeah it's not fun when you see one.

Did I mention that today I saw one? I was sitting at my desk, extremely busy, I reach for my attorney's directory, place it on my desk, and then the spider is flung out from the ring-binder book.

HELLO TINA! IT IS ME, MR. WOLFY SPIDER, STARING AT YOU WITH MY BEADY EYES! HELLO!

So I don't know how quick this booger might escape into areas unknown, or perhaps try to climb on to my shoulder and then into my ear to chew on my innards, so time is of the essence. I grab a receipt from the Secretary of State for some Articles of Organization that I filed perhaps an hour ago.

WHAM!!!! Buh bye ugly spider. Thankfully the, um, juicier aspects of the departed remained on my quasi formica desk. The document used for smashing was relatively unscathed, and is currently in the mail to the Register of Deeds.

The End, until the next encounter, with perhaps a vengeful cousin.

My two left feet

2009-01-08T09:52:00.000-08:00

I thought I was so smart. I decided that, since I had two pairs of sneakers, one older than the other, I would bring the older pair to work, sot that when I had on heels or some pair of shoes that was uncomfortable for waking great distances downtown, I had an option.

Today I am wearing a pair of navy spectator pumps. They squinch my toes, but they look cute, and we all know that cute is important right? So it's lunchtime, and I decided that I would go to the library, which I absolutely love to do. I get the pair out of the closet here at work that I threw them in weeks ago (I usually wear comfy shoes to work, except when I don't). I put the left one on, and my foot felt very happy. Then I grabbed the other shoe. Yeah it is from my other pair of sneakers, and is meant for the left foot.

So there you have it. Two left feet have I. The library will wait until tomorrow.

Apple Treasure Cookie Quest - Part 2

2009-01-07T07:11:00.000-08:00

A few posts ago I lamented about New York foods I could not find here in the South. Well, I am happy to say that I am now well acquainted with my old friend, the Apple Treasure Cookie. I found a recipe online that sounded close to what I wanted to create, I just had to tweek it here and there. I substitued shortening for the butter, because the cookie needed to have a cake-like texture, and butter would make more of a crispy cookie. And, instead of buying many jars of spices, only to languish in my cupboard forever, I bought a tin of pumpkin pie spice, and it worked perfectly.

The ingredients.

Raw cookies.

Baked cookies.

Cookie about to go in my belly.

Scooter celebrating my cookie success.

Now, the cookies don't look sexy, but trust me, they are gooooood, and your house will smell awesome, and they freeze beautifully, so make a bunch and freeze them. Here's the recipe:

Apple Treasure Cookies

1 cup shortening
1 1/2 cups brown sugar
1/4 cup molasses
3 eggs
3 1/2 cups flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
4 teaspoons pumpkin pie spice
6 ounces chocolate chips
1 cup diced apple
1 cup unsalted peanuts, halved

Cream shortening, sugar, molasses and eggs. Mix in dry ingredients. Drop spoonfulls on greased cookie sheets. Bake at 350 12-15 minutes (or longer depending on how big your spoonfulls are).

Tina and the Brain

2009-01-05T06:57:00.000-08:00

I can't remember a time when I didn't enjoy being creative. In elementary school, I was selected to be in a special after-school art program, probably because I made the prettiest construction paper lantern or glued cotton balls onto my Santa's beard with precision. Art class felt like playtime to me, and I fully support playtime.
Me at the age of 5. Dig my vest!

Anyhoo, I never had any problem entertaining myself. There was always a supply of paper and pencils, crayons and markers in my house, and if I felt like doing something three dimensional, my Barbies got haircuts.

And I still have many creative pursuits today, but there are always a few projects going at the same time. A perfect example is the book I am working on. I recently went for a month, just typing away at my book, thinking of more things to add and story lines to make the characters more interesting, and then I came to a full stop, because I got a bunch of fun yarn as one of my Christmas presents, and all I could think about was that yarn.

So a-knitting I have been, and this weekend I finished a fab shawl, that is bunched and tied at the front with pom poms. POM POMS! I am convinced people would be happier if they had more pom poms in their wardrobe. They are so merry.

With the shawl completed, I gave my brain time to pause, to think about what it should do next. Has that canvas on the easel decided what should be painted on it yet? Nope. Do I want to rework those semi precious stone necklaces I made a dozen years ago? Hmmmm....perhaps, but I have so much jewelry that I would really need to grow new limbs to adorn.

And then my brain said "Tina, what about writing more on Josie's life at the house on West End? That would be a great way to expand your book and write more back story." And I was all like "Brain, that is a great idea!"

So my mind is now chewing on my book, and wonderful directions in which to take my heroine. My brain feels like a sponge soaked with water, and I just have to wring it out and pour it into my computer. I love that after I write I feel a laugh inside myself and I smile. I think I am on to something good.

Tree Wars

2009-01-02T11:34:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow I will take down my Christmas tree, which is one of the worst household chores EVER. Seriously, I'd rather scrub the toilet. I don't like decorating my tree that much, but I like how it looks when it's done, so I put it up every year, but yeah really HATE taking that booger down. But alas, it must be done, so done it will be, and then the room will look nekkid.

So tomorrow morning, me and the tree will fight. The fake needles will stab my arms as I reach into the interior to get all the round shiny ornaments, then the ornament hangers, in cahoots with the tree no doubt, will entwine themselves further on the branches, and stab me like a fish-hook when they see a juicy target, like that space between your fingernail and finger.

And then the third wave of the battle. Once the balls and oraments are down, the lights will attack. As I pull the strands away from the branches, the needles will be loosed like a swarm of medieval arrows in my direction. I will wear my glasses perhaps, so that they cannot poke me in my eyes.

It will be a long and arduous fight, and I may be scratched and battered in the end, but tree you are coming DOWN.

Resolutions are for the Weak

2008-12-30T09:22:00.000-08:00

So I'm thinking of 2008, as most people are doing this time of year. It was not an easy year for me, in fact, 2007 wasn't so great either, so I'm due for a great 2009, and, being the eternal optimist that I am, I have great hope for 2009. So what did I do this past year?

1. I ate escargot for the first time. It was good, but slap some mushrooms in a wine, garlic and butter sauce and I would be just as happy.
2. I shot a gun at a gun range, and I really liked it. I used to be scared of shooting, but now I want to practice more, since it turns out that I am a pretty good shot.
3. I went to the doctor and got a physical. I had been putting it off forever, but since I was feeling progressively more crappy, and kept gaining weight even though I mostly ate like a bird, it was necessary, and I was proud of myself for doing it.
4. I lost 30 pounds. Turned out that the reason I felt crappy and was gaining weight was because I had absolutely no metabolism, courtesy of my thyroid being a lazy bitch. So I now take a pill every day, and the weight is still coming off.
5. I jumped in a pool fully dressed. Okay so it was at a party, and I had some wine in me, and it was for a prize. But if you knew how reserved I am, and saw the surprised looks on my friends' faces, you would get how big a deal this was. So glad I was not wearing a white t-shirt.
6. I stepped up my volunteering at church. I now serve in three different areas of the church, and am so happy I did this. I now know so many more people, and am glad for the relationships.

There are certainly a lot more things I could put here, but those come to mind right now. I'm not going to make resolutions, because those are pure crap. Why put restrictions on your life in friggin January, one of the coldest and lamest months of the year? I am just going to say that next year I hope to be an improved version of me.

Toe socks and tomes

2008-12-29T09:08:00.000-08:00

Oh hi hello neglected blog and my two whole blog readers. I am back....for now, until I get distracted by another creative pursuit, or just something shiny.

It takes that little apparently.

So what to say. My holidays were fun. I had too much to eat and too much to drink. I wrote a lot on my novel. I truly enjoyed fleshing out the book. It felt like I was breathing life into the nostrils of some characters....people....that I dig. All in all, I wrote about 55 pages of text. Of course that is not diddly squat for a novel, so there is much more writing to be done, but my book is in a happy place right now, and since my creative bend is now in a different direction, I'm gonna let the characters breathe on their own a little, and visit them sometime soon.

So for Christmas my sister got me skeins of fun yarns, so I have been all about knitting. I am currently knitting a shawl, and I love how the silky yarn feels in my fingers, and enjoy the tap tap tap of the knitting needles against each other. I will finish the shawl off with pom pom ties, because my wardrobe is severely deficient in the pom pom area, and they are damn fun.

It takes very little to make me merry. That is a good thing I am sure. The funnest thing I got for Christmas was.....drumroll please.......toe socks. OMG I love them so much. They are striped blue, green, cream and burgundy, and my toes are now swaddled in softness, as toes should be. I will take a picture when I next wear them, because they are just so lovely.

So here you have it. A few short paragraphs that sum up over a month of blog neglect. I would promise to do better, but yeahhhh I ain't gonna do that.

Chapter 4

2008-12-05T09:48:00.001-08:00

I am back to writing my novel, and it feels pretty good. Here's an excerpt:

Chapter 4

Home. She loved her apartment. Josie lives in the front, right corner of a rambling old house on West End Avenue. Her neighbor and landlady is a dear friend, Frances Hartman-Merriweather. Frances was always perfectly dressed, coiffed and smells of Chanel No. 5. She had an age but never told it, because she often said “women should never divulge their age or number of lovers.” Frances is Tom’s aunt, and is a fountain of wonderful stories and adventures.

Josie heard a soft knock at the door, and then a sweet Southern voice that dripped of magnolia.

“Josie dear are you decent?”

“Frances you don’t have to knock.”

“Oh honey I will always knock just in case you are in the throes of passion with an amorous lover. It’s the appropriate thing to do sugar.”

“Ha nope no lovers tonight. Just me, you, Scooter and Thai food.”

“Mmmmm that pad thai smells decadent. Reminds me of a lovely summer I had on Kamala Bay with Prince Annan.”

“Prince Annan? Did Charles know about him?”

“Oh honey this was years before I met my dear departed husband, I was a teenager when my father was stationed in Thailand. Those steamy summer nights on the bay….I cried for weeks when we returned to the States. Then Prince Annan was just a lovely memory once I met my dear Charles.”

Charles Merriweather was a well-respected pediatrician in Nashville. He ran his practice out of his home, and Frances was his assistant. Frances and Charles never had children of their own, but they considered every patient they took care of family. Charles died shortly after their 42nd wedding anniversary. Alzheimers robbed him of his memories, but Frances posted all the patient pictures she could find on the walls of their bedroom when the end was near. Thousands of family members lined the walls of that bedroom when he passed.

“So Tom says he’s given you a project that has to do with Eldridge Hartman?”

“Yep I’m going to start on it tomorrow.”

“To this day I will not buy The Tennessean. They printed such lies about poor old Great Uncle El.”

“Like what Frances?”

“Oh the paper claimed that Eldridge committed suicide by hanging himself in his office closet. Such fabrications. He had nothing to be unhappy about. His was a life filled with men’s pursuits and loose women. What man would hate that?”

“Ha you have a point there. He certainly was a man’s man.”

“And he was as rich as Roosevelt, but his fortune was never found. I think the gold was taken by corrupt police investigators. Eldridge was not one to trust banks. The safe in his office was empty when the police arrived, and none of his employees turned immediately rich after his demise. Hoooo I am still feeling the heat from the pad thai. Please excuse me whilst I dab some cold water on my neck.”

“Powder room is all yours.”

“Honey the cold water knob came right off. Why don’t you ask Dan to lend a hand?”

Yeah that’s probably because I loosened it earlier as an excuse to get Dan up here, Josie thought to herself. There are only so many times you can tamper with the floaty thing in the toilet before a hot handy man will get suspicious. So she changed up her routine, and then forgot.

“Oh um sure Frances, I’ll call him right now.”

Dan was up in Josie’s apartment in under a minute. Dan was gorgeous, but in a rugged I-don't-know-that-I-am-a-Greek-God sorta way. Josie watched as Dan bent over and reached for a wrench in his bag. His brown hair that really needed a haircut fell in his face, and he pushed it back. She wanted to offer to hold it back for him...with her teeth. She sighed, and looked over at Frances, who was staring at her with a wizened smirk on her face.

“Anything else you need?” Dan asked as he bent over again to return the wrench to his bag.”

“Damn.”

“What was that Josie?”

“Oh um nothing. I said done. Ahhh yeah nothing else. Thank you Dan.”

My bed could use some servicing came to her mind as quickly as she tried to stifle the thought.

“You’re welcome Josie. You know where I am if you need anything.”

“Hot….ha um thanks again Dan.” Josie closed the door and wondered how many brain cells just shot out of her mouth.

“Oh lord girl will you jump him already?”

“Frances!”

“Honey you are a lovely woman, and Dan, well he’s just gorgeous. If there was any more chemistry in this room there would be an explosion. I love a good drama, but every drama needs a romantic interlude.”

“I know Frances. I would love a romantic interlude. Life is just complicated right now.”

“Everyone has complicated lives. Complication and drama make life worth living. Without it we would just go through the motions of living, but never actually experience life.”

“True Frances, true.”

Apple Treasure Cookie Quest

2008-12-02T11:01:00.001-08:00

So the Husband just called to say that a lady from church requested my e-mail, so that she could send me an invite to a cookie party. Since it is not bridal or baby shower, which I always try to avoid, I will for certain go, especially since the theme involves cookies, and I fully support the cookie yo.

So then that got me to thinking....what sort of cookie should I make? I can make peanut butter cookies in a jiffy, and I'm sure there will be many iterations on the chocolate theme, so what to do?

Then that set my mind clock spinning into past cookie loves, which sent me to Pomona, New York. Every year, the family would go upstate to Pomona in the fall for apple picking. Along the way we always stopped at this specific store and got pies and cookies. Said cookie purchase always included a bag of "Apple Treasure Cookies." They were chewy but not tough, cake-like, a reddish sort of brown, and they had bits of apple, peanuts, perhaps raisins and probably a bit of elfin magic, because they were that awesome.

I'm sure no one else would think of making anything like the Apple Treasure Cookie, so now I am totally fixated on the idea.

So I googled "Apple Treasure Cookies" and alas nothing popped up that was right. I am still searching, but if any of my many 2 readers have any intersting apple cookie recipe, or even know about the Apple Treasure Cookie love, help a sistah out mmmmkay?

Fish Pedicure Anyone?

2008-12-01T11:19:00.000-08:00

Y'all. This is some crazy shizzle. I have not seen this sort of pedicure offered in the spas of Nashville, but it is only a matter of time. Don't people see the danger in this?

The fish are going to overtake us an eat us, without a delicious wine and butter sauce.

Apparently, you can now go to some spas and get a fish pedicure, where you place your feet in warm water and fish, known as "doctor fish" yomp at the dead skin cells on your tootsies. You get to pay $35 for this treatment according to this article.

People that get this treatment describe the sensation of nibbling fish as "ticklish." Hell to the no. These fools are getting fish used to the idea of eating humans, which is so wrong on the carnivore food chain. We eat the fishes, not the other way around. These doctor fish probably have a collective intelligence with other species of fish. Soon goldfish and other supposedly friendly pets will leap from their bowls and feast on our flesh....leaving only our skeletons in their wake as testament to our foolish quest for smooth feet.

If you want smooth feet use a pumice stone. At least rocks don't have brains or any ability to move (except for gravity and merry throwing).

I can't look out for all of y'all forever. Be safe and don't tempt the fishes.

I'd like my turkey with a side order of meat please

2008-11-26T06:41:00.000-08:00

Firstly I would like to wish all of my two readers a very Happy Thanksgiving. I love Thanksgiving, and usually entertain the family at my house, but this year I have a break, and am going to my parents house. I must say, even though I really do love cooking the Thanksgiving meal, it is going to be really nice just to be a guest at Thanksgiving, and not having a mountain of dishes and the exhaustion thereafter will be a treat as well.

I have done all sorts of turkey recipies....one where I placed a mosaic of herbs under the skin, and one year I ordered a turducken. Just in case you don't know what it is, it is a turkey stuffed with a chicken that is stuffed with a duck. I know that sounds perhaps a bit lewd, but trust me it is indeed delicious.

And then this morning I found this meaty mammoth on the intertubes:

Y'all what you are seeing is a turducken that has been wrapped in bacon. Jeebus it looks like something a butcher tripping on acid would create, but who can deny the deliciousness of bacon? Surely I cannot - bacon makes everything better, and I must say that the druggie butcher that thought this up is genius.

Here is the beast fully cooked:

Oooooh gimme a piece of that y'all!

Images courtesy of http://bacontoday.com/turbaconducken-turducken-wrapped-in-bacon/

Want

2008-11-21T14:28:00.000-08:00

There are not many things I miss about New York. I fell in love with Nashville and middle Tennessee shortly after moving here, and getting over the culture shock. For example, if you are walking on a downtown street in Nashville, and make eye contact with a stranger, said stranger will smile and or say hello to you. My New York friends will think that is some crazy shit, but it is indeed true.

I usually miss New York around this time of year, when the weather gets cold and I think of my Italian extended famliy gathering in Queens, around a big table, with really gorgeous food that I would kill for right now.

I would really like to replicate my Nonno's minestrone, but so far that has proved to be impossible, because I think it was infused with his soul as he stirred the pot over and over until it was ladeled into bowls.

There is another problem with growing up with Northern Italian cuisine and being far removed from a lot of Northern Italians. It is hard as shit to find certain products here in the South.

Perfect example: cappeletti. Oh, you say you are not familiar with this? Well, let me 'splain by all means. Cappelletti is a pasta extremely similar to tortellini, but they are smaller, and mostly consumed in broth as a first course for either a Christmas Day or Christmas Eve dinner. It is by far the most perfect and gorgeous soup I have ever had. I would not even bother asking a grocery store clerk if they carried cappeletti, because they would invariably scratch their noggin and be like "cappawhat?", so I would just be happy finding a good frozen meat tortellini, but alas I have not found any.

Sad y'all, so sad.

So I guess I will have to make the pasta myself, which is the textbook definition of labor intensive. It will be a chore for me, because my cooking style is quick, combine flavors on the fly sort of cooking, and this is more like manufacturing. But I am desparate, so I think this will happen before winter is over. I need a fix.

Gone

2008-11-19T14:57:00.000-08:00

The 4th floor is empty.

Gone is the cowbell.

Gone are the ceremonial throwing chairs.

Gone is the miniature baseball bat used for therapeutic purposes.

Gone are the people that I have worked with for many, many months.

I am a solitary person by nature. I have never had a lot of friends - not because I have cooties or anything, but I have always been happy entertaining myself. It's a middle child thing. Since March, I have worked with a great group of people. Yes, they were young, crude, and took the Lord's name in vain a lot, but I loved their spirits and their passion.

And now it is all done, and I am back working by myself in the solitude of the second floor, slowly getting back to the job I used to do and was good at. It feels like a warm blanket that was just waiting for me all this time.

Except now I am alone. I guess I am in a period of mourning for the cameraderie. I feel numb.

Painting

2008-09-30T09:58:00.000-07:00

So a couple posts ago I mentioned a canvas that was a field of blue. It has been staring at me, for months.

I had painter's block for serious.

I did not have clue as to what I wanted the subject of the painting to be, so it sat on an easel in my living room. Mocking me with its haughty blueness.

Saturday I was sitting in the living room, ignoring the canvas that was parallel to my field of vision whilst watching the TV.

And then it came to me. Why not paint something loved? So I painted a ballerina. I have loved ballerinas since I was a child and had a Sugar Plum Fairy Barbie. My barbie was awesome. She had a sparkly deep pink costume and pink toe shoes, and of course she had a tiara, so she was my favorite, and never got the butch haircut that my other barbies fell victim to when I got bored with them.

I got my paints and brushes out, sketched the ballerina on the canvas in pencil, and a few hours later I had my ballerina.

I love love love her. I love her flowy skirt. I love the movement and the sense of freedom. She is not confined to anything. I do not like painting faces to my subjects. I'd rather leave my subjects so that they can be any person. Does that make sense? It makes sense in my mind, so yay.

Now when I look at my easel in the living room, she greet me, like a celebration, and I smile. Eventually this will hang in my bedroom, but I'll let her enjoy the living room for a while.

Eight or Two

2008-09-29T13:00:00.000-07:00

So my dear friend owns a store, and she said that a couple was browsing the store when she saw on the internet that the bailout had not passed. The fella part of the couple did not know what she was talking about. That is amazing to me, and was to her, but the lady he was up on current events.

As she told this story to me, I distilled this observation down to a simple truth: some men don't notice anything unless it has eight points or two boobs.

I present this art and dedicate it to the clueless fella that visited my friend's store today. Hope there isn't a bear or anything ferocious close by when that idiot sees this:

Appetizer Hell

2008-09-25T09:57:00.001-07:00

Okay so I was bored. I admit it. I searched for interesting appetizers on a website, and what I found was mostly disturbing y'all. Some of the creations were just hideous. If you are of a sensitive disposition, you may want to leave this blog, because the pictures I am about to share with you ain't purty.

I present to you "Funny Face Taco Dip." Their is nothing funny or appetizing about this. In a matter of a few scoops, this will look like a botched plastic surgery. Is that a broccoli tumor growing out of the head???

Reduced Fat Veggie Pizza. Hell to the no. First of all, you are presumably serving this at a party. Is this a party for friends or people that you want to hate your guts? Don't serve anything "reduced fat" at a party. Parties are meant for fun, and there's nothing fun about "reduced fat." Have the full fat, in moderation, and enjoy your damn party. Plus when something is called pizza, I expect gooey cheese. There's nothing gooey looking about that picture. Slap some brie or whole milk mozzarella on that already.

Bavarian snack ring. Jeebus y'all. Is it just me or does this look like something Freddie Krueger would serve? The main ingredients are sausage and sauerkraut. So, if you have a methane gas shortage in your house environment, feel free to serve this and breathe deeply.

Spinach dip holiday wreath. This would be classified in a personal category of mine called "Precious foods that should only be prepared by ladies named Eunice with huge Texas hair."

Cheezy dice. I have no words left.

I couldn't stand looking at anymore. Learn from this post friends.

An Ode to Autumn

2008-09-24T09:45:00.000-07:00

Oh joy! Just the other day marked the first day of autumn. I am ready y'all. I have pants and sweaters and hilarious socks that I haven't worn in forever. Just one thing....

Could someone please turn the heat off outside already? Y'all the high temperature is still in the 80's. Not exactly sweater weather.

I want to walk in the crisp air, perhaps through a corn maze. I want to take long drives in the country admire the foliage. I want to bake pies and make recipes that require squash.

This weekend I will pull the box out of storage that has all my fall decorations in it. Mr. Turkey, who is almost as tall at me, will take his place on my loveseat in the study, with his legs crossed like a proper gentleman, and will freak my cats out. Who is this tall, possibly delicious bird, and how can I fit him in my belly they might say.

So my house will celebrate fall after this weekend, even if the temperature won't cooperate.

I ate too much, and now think too much.

2008-09-19T10:30:00.000-07:00

So the bank that occupies space in my building had lunch for bank patrons today. Since I am a patron of the bank, I got me some free lunch. It was Whitt's BBQ, and it was delicious... too delicious.

I ate, then ate some more, then had a brownie, and now I am a sloth. Y'all I am so uninspired to do anything. Why oh why did I do it? Oh yeah that's right, because slow smoked meat is goooood.

My slothful state makes me want to get up an do something, but all the stuff I want to do is really at home. My house is a disaster, and we don't have any solid plans for this weekend, so I'd really like to have a "get your shit together" weekend....perhaps even dust off the vacuum and freak the cats out. I need to do something. Perhaps actually finish one of my projects? Hmmmm let's think of what there is:

1. My novel that is fully outlined? Only if I am drunk, and Richard Armitage is feeding me grapes.

2. My painting that is nothing but a field of blue? Only if Richard Armitage is sitting just beyond my easel on a stool, in the nude.

3. The beaded bracelet that is almost finished? I can't think of a way to tie Richard Armitage into this one, but yeah that ain't happening either.

Oh hi hello sexxxxxxy.

Tonight we have a party to go to, but tomorrow morning I am going to work from room to room, getting "our shit together" since the husband will probably be working in his office, hopefully getting "his shit together" in there.

If you are out there, and you dig my blog (as if anyone wouldn't) please add yourself to the follow thingy on the right sidebar. I need validation, and everyone knows that blogs are the only way to feel validated.

No autographs please

2008-09-15T12:40:00.000-07:00

Is is snowing in Hawaii? Nope but it is true this is a second post in the very same day. I almost forgot to tell my super amazing story of how I am shortly to be an extremely famous model.

And you knew me when I was the humble, sometimes clever blogger. Consider yourself honored.
So I was getting gas at the Mapco in my 'hood, and decided we also needed the sweet, sweet nectar known as beer, so as my husband pumped gas, I got the beverage. I put my purchase on the counter, and the clerk asked for my ID. Two seconds later her eyes bugged....for serious....and she said "Wow. You could make so much money."

Uhhhhh come again?

I must admit my driver's license picture is a total fluke. I actually like it, and look very pretty. I was having a good hair day, wearing a favorite top, and I even had makeup on. So the clerk went on to say that she was a model scout, and she knew a photographer that would absolutely love me.

I told her that she was kind, and left it at that. My beer was getting warm yo.

She then said "I don't usually do this..." as she rummaged through her purse. She pulled out a white business card, scratched through a phone number and then hand wrote another, gave it to me and said "If you ever change your mind."

So I put the card in my purse, grabbed my beer and got out of there. When I got home I looked at the card.

The first thought that popped into my mind was porn y'all. It was the clerk's picture on the card, but she must have powers of disguise like Superman, because as a mild-mannered clerk she wore glasses, no makeup, and her hair was pulled back. On the card she was a sultry vixen with massive cans. A google search quickly found her model profile. She is indeed a model, and her profile says that she will not do porn, but the pictures on her profile were extremely provocative.

I haven't called, and I don't know that I will. How on earth am I to believe a "model scout" that works behind the Mapco register (probably just to use her Superman powers for the greater good) that I am going to make "so much money." If she was great at her job, should she be working at the Mapco making my beer get warm?

Quandry y'all.

Chicago!

2008-09-09T11:38:00.000-07:00

Oh hi hello gentle readers. I am back from a long weekend in Chicago. As you might have gleaned from my infrequent posts to my neglected blog (sorry!), my dear husband is a photographer. Granted, he does sports and corporate photography, but most of our gigs are weddings, and we had a wedding this past weekend in a suburb of Chicago, called Geneva.

Y'all it was charming. That is really the best word to describe it....charming. It was not a contrived town like Las Vegas, when you turn your head and all you see is set design on a grand scale. It is charming without being hosed in Thomas Kinkade preciousness. I would totally live there if I did not have to work for da man.

So we drove in the scary, car-sliding rain to Illinois (since we had a ton of gear it just made sense to drive). The wedding went absolutely fine. The sky was perfect blue with fluffy clouds, and the temperature was a high of 72. The reception was fun. Gotta love an open bar - it makes for relaxed pictures - except when people abuse the open bar and are idiots, but everyone behaved at this reception. The couple gave favors to their guests; fancy wine bottle stoppers for the men, and pashminas for the ladies. There were a bunch left over at the end, so I now have three (tiffany blue, pink and burgundy) and the generous bride gave us a bottle of champagne when we left for the night.

So that was Saturday, and Sunday was all ours. We drove into Chicago proper and stayed at our usual downtown hotel. We walked around for many hours, lounged under a shady tree in Millennium Park, and ate deep dish pizza at Pizzeria Due (owned by Pizzeria Uno, but cuter). That evening we went to a niiiiice dinner at a restaurant next door to our hotel, the Capital Grille.

On Monday we conducted a bit of business, and we were back on the road to Nashville. I spent 85% of the trip coughing and sneezing, and somehow managed to get another cold, EVEN THOUGH I HAD ONE JUST A MONTH AGO. So effing unfair.

And here I am, high on Dayquil, warm with a pashmina on my shoulders, working for da man.

I left the champagne at home. Damn.

Drama....I has it

2008-09-01T07:15:00.000-07:00

Labor Day weekend...a weekend of rest, grilled meats and beer.

Yeahhhh not so much for me.

So on Friday, the husband went in the attic, because we were going to run cable for our HDTV antenna, and he discovered a natural gas leak.

The kind that could make your house blow up y'all.

Granted, it was not a big leak, but it was a leak, and the NES guy that arrived shortly after the discovery said it had probably been there since we built our house 5 years ago. The stoopid HVAC folks had cross-threaded a pipe, and that was the source of the leak. So, the HVAC people were at our house bright and early on Saturday morning, and $89 dollars later the leak was fixed.

Then, we decided it would be a good time to comb my 16 year old cat, Inky. She's not much into grooming these days, and really needed attention, so I combed enough fur off of her to make a new cat. As I was combing her tail (which is the DANGER zone), she bit me. Hard. On my arm. I immediately washed it, poured hyrdrogen peroxide on it, and applied antibiotic cream, but it still managed to get infected. So after church on Sunday I went to a walk-in clinic, got a tetanus shot (FUN!!!) and a prescription for antibiotics.

They didn't even give me a cool bandaid. So effing unfair y'all. If you are going to be a purveyor of pain or take my blood, I need a cool bandaid.

So that's my drama. I am currently at work for a half day (insert explative here) and have a cookout to go to this afternoon. I plan on hosing myself in insect repellent, because with my luck the bugs will find me delicious, and I will wind up looking like I have the pox.

Happy Labor Day y'all!

Who is this person

2008-08-28T14:17:00.000-07:00

For serious I am morphing into a person I do not know. I have turned into a militant plastic bag hater. I blame my work environment. Y'all the upper management has done away with plastic trash bags at desks.

My friends, that is hard core plastic hate.

I always do my best to recycle plastic bags when I go grocery shopping, or I use them in the bathroom for trash, but recent freezer stockpiling trips have made me hate the pile of bags in my kitchen cabinet that spill out like a dirty, environment hating secret every time it is opened.

And then the cats think oh joy.....let me roll around on these until I am a static furball and get tangled up in them.

And then I hose myself in bactine from all the unintentional cat scratches from the untangling drama.

So I have ordered Chico bags. They are pretty cool. The bags come in all sorts of colors (or an "Earth" graphic if you so choose). I chose Earth.

As you can see, they come in nifty little carrying bags that have a clip so you can tether them to whatever. I am pumped to receive my purchase.

I promise that I will not go over the edge with my green-ness. If I suddenly start buying boxed wine because I fear that I am wasting too much glass, please commit me, but remember to pack my tiara.

I know....I know.....

2008-08-27T11:06:00.000-07:00

Bad....bad blogger am I. I have neglected Not That Cool, which is so, um, not cool of me to do?

So let me bring my whole 2 readers up to speed. My birthday was last Friday, and it was super awesome. Before the actual day, I began to receive cards.....cards with birthday money in them....also known as the BestFrigginKindOfBirthdayCardOneCanReceive. If you are one of those people that think otherwise, get the honk off my blog.

So with the influx of money, I began to treat myself to.....things. I have an uneasy relationship with things, as in I don't really like to buy things, because I feel like I am just accumulating things, and sometimes I am so anti-thing that I go without things that I should really have.

It's a self care thing that I'm kinda not good at.

So here I am, with a wad of dough, trying my level best to spend it. I bought myself a pretty new shirt (that is a whole size smaller than I used to wear RAWWKKK), and Hob Nobs from the World Market (chocolate covered British oatmeal cookies. They are the essence of rad).

I bought a book, Austenland, by Shannon Hale which is turning out to be pretty great. If you understand the hottness that is Mr. Darcy sopping wet after a dip in the estate pond, you really should read this book yo.

I got other stuff and things that I wanted/needed too. But here's the big thing.

I got a haircut y'all. I have been trying forever to get my hair nice and long so that I can donate it to Locks of Love, but along the way I sacrificed any semblance of personal style. So I got 1 inch trimmed off the bottom, a lot of bulk removed, and bangs y'all. I got bangs.

I am super happy with it, and I don't even mind being high maintenance and applying a flat iron to re-create this look.

I might change my Not That Cool picture to this since it is so outdated, or perhaps I should don my tiara for that? It might be warranted. Tiaras are not just for vacuuming and chore time you know.

My husband was also extremely wonderful. On my birthday, he showed up at work with a dozen roses. Then that night we went to Maggiano's. My birthday celebration did not stop on Friday. Early on Saturday we drove to Chattanooga (my husband had a job to shoot there). When we were done with the shoot, we visited the Aquarium (I digged the otters, they were merry) and then had a lovely meal at a steakhouse. I ordered ahi tuna. I blame this on the fact that I had been staring at fish all day, wondering why they were not swimming in a delicate wine and butter sauce.

Sunday we drove home, and we had a great urge to get our shit together (this doesn't happen often, so we acted on it). We bought blackout curtains for the bedroom (extremely needed since the sun blasts into our bedroom in the morning. After they were hung I found every receipt, invoice and bill and filed them away. The house looked awesome, and that was a present too.

Okay so the blog is now up to speed. I will try to post more, but yeah I've said that before.

Brang it on Mother Nature

2008-07-22T09:44:00.000-07:00

I was walking to work this morning, and had almost reached my destination, when it happened.

A bird shat on me.

Birds are merry, and therefore I harbor no ill-will towards them. I make a point of not running over them when they are in the path of my car. I thought I was simpatico with the birds.

Then this one effing bird shat on me.

What oh what did I ever do to you Mother Nature, that you would send a minion to do your evil bidding? I've always been nice to the birds. Remember that one baby bird, which we named Spunky, that we rescued from the neighborhood cat? Pretty sure that we saved its life. Is your attention span really that short?

Fine you bitch goddess. You want to start something, brang it Mama. You have no idea who you are messing with. Oh, just in case you'd like another shot at me, I don't have an umbrella today, and they are talking about thundershowers for this evening.

Serve and Protect

2008-07-15T15:42:00.001-07:00

Dear Motorist on My Ass this Evening on Trousdale Drive,

Yes, I was going the posted speed of 35 miles per hour. I was riding my brake down that hill so that I stayed at 35 miles per hour. You were on my ass SUV driver, probably pissed because your KFC bucket o'chicken was rapidly cooling and congealing.

You were on my ass down the hill, you were on my ass around the bend.

And then there he was, the policeman with the radar gun that gave me a speeding ticket yesterday. I don't know if you noticed him, because you were probably glaring at me and saying words that could peel the paint off your Nissan Murano, but because of me you were going 35 miles per hour, and therefore do not have to pay Metro Government the $107 I will have to pony up in 45 days or less.

After the radar trap, you again were on my ass. I don't know if you even noticed, but you're welcome, and I hope your extra crispy recipe is rad.

Weekend Wanderlust

2008-07-15T09:42:00.000-07:00

Y'all I got the vacation jimmy-legs......bad. I need to get away. It has been forever, and my current job makes it impossible to be gone for any great length of time. I really need to do this for the good of the people around me. A well-rested, realxed Not That Cool would be less inclined to stab people with her letter opener.

I'm thinking a road trip would be best. My husband has a hott convertible that I happen to look awesome in, and it's just so much more interesting too see the random things that the road brings then to be trapped on an airplane with your beverage and salted snack.

So here's an option not too far from Nashville.

Natchez Trace to Tuscumbia, Alabama and Tupelo, Mississippi. The Natchez is so pretty and non-commercial, and you can see deer, wild turkeys and extremely strange people. On my last drive on it, we pulled of at one of the observation areas, and I saw a old guy that looked like he had a boy scout uniform on, eating a snack by his car festooned with confederate loving stickers.

Um yeah we drove on.

Okay getting back to Tuscumbia....why that particular town you ask? Because it sounds so wonderfully small southern town, and I love that. I love going to places where it feels like you are a walking anachronism in a place very much older than you. Also, Helen Keller's home is there, and open to tours.

But I haven't told you the best part. They have a coon dog cemetery in Tuscumbia.

AWWWWWEEEEESOOOOMMME. I want to bring a picnic lunch, complete with pink boxed wine with plastic cups, and give a toast to Bean Blossom Bomma, who according to the headstone was "a joy to hunt with."

Then we could go on to Tupleo, Mississippi, tell locals that we think Elvis' music sucked ass, and then find out just how fast the hott car can actually go whilst trying to avoid the buckshot.

So yeah, that's the plan.

Fountain

2008-07-10T06:38:00.000-07:00

I have a 15 minute walk every day to and from my car to work. On my journey, I pass in front of the Metro Courthouse, and admire this fountain. Since it is Summer, and I walk mostly in full sun, I am friggin hot by this point in my walk. I can feel the coolness of the water even though I do not get very close, and I can smell the chlorine.

And then I am at my destination, working for da man.

On the trip back to my car, if it is a fine day, I usually see kids cris-crossing though the jets, swimming trunks so sopped full of water that they are drooping.

Y'all they look so merry.

One of these beastly hot days, I am going to drop my lunch bag and purse, and just walk into that water and get absolutely soaked. I am going to drop the shackles of adulthood, and be a merry kid. It is going to be awesome.

Until I realize I will now have to walk the rest of the way in clingy wet clothes. Ick.

Lovely

2008-07-08T10:05:00.000-07:00

So I just got back from the library.

I saw a nun, and she was just lovely. Not the magazine-airbrushed fictional type of lovely, but the lovely that you get from joy and contentment. She radiated those qualities in her countenance.

I wish I was that kind of lovely. Now this is not a pity party, but shit y'all, just shit.

I do lots of creative stuff, but I have never considered myself excellent at any one pursuit. She looked like she was excellent in her love of Christ, and that is wonderful.

So then I perused the new fiction titles, and was absolutely bored. Themed murder mysteries involving florists, cat lovers, bakers, etc. Highly colored covers with cutesy fonts and cartoons of faboo skinny ladies involved in random antics......new fiction indeed. Seems that everyone that has access to a computer believes they can write a book.

I guess I should lump myself into that category. I would really like to be good at the book writing thing, and I do believe my story is original. Shit I just want to be lovely.

Yeah I'll drink your wine

2008-07-01T12:50:00.000-07:00

So last night I went to a staff party at the bossman's home. It was fun, the food was great, the wine flowed and it was awesome to kick back with the cool folks at work.

Okay so I had lots of wine. Everyone did. We were merry. Most of the festivities took place in the backyard. Where the bugs are - the ones that find me delicious.

I didn't really look at my ankle until I got to work. Y'all it is jacked. It is red and swollen, and of course my benadryl cream is at home. I'm too cheap to buy more, so I guess if my leg just blows up from the pressure it's my own fault.

The cream should do the trick, but if not I happen to have a doctor's appointment on Thursday for some blood work. Perhaps the doctor has something more awesome if my leg is still swollen, like marijuana cream?

I rode the bus

2008-06-25T06:36:00.000-07:00

This morning I rode the bus to work. I usually park for free at the coliseum parking lot, but they have some event today, Thursday and Friday, so that parking is not available. Yes, parking at the coliseum is a hike, but I dig the exercise, and have lost 27 pounds so far (yay!).

So, since I did not want to pay da man $5 - $10 dollars to park for three days, I forked over my $1.35 to the bus driver, and hopped on.

I must say it was not bad. I read my magazine instead of wanting to curse out some asshat that cut me off on I-65, and the bus stop was a short block away from my work. There were no sketchy people on the bus, so that was a bonus. Perhaps sketchy people don't take the bus at 7:45 in the morning? I don't know, but I guess I'll find out if they are late risers on my commute home.

Oh hi hello

2008-06-24T10:36:00.001-07:00

So this is the first post for Not That Cool. This is the way I roll:

I refuse to conform to what is "cool", fashionable, or momentarily awesome in the minds of lemmings. I will be true to me and all the nerdy things I love. And, if you look inside yourself and are truthful, you may love them too.

I consider myself a jack of all trades, master of nothing. I would like to be fabulous at something, but I'm not sure what that is right now.

I work for the man, I would rather be independently wealthy or win the effing powerball, but that hasn't happened yet, so for the man I continue to work.

I have done some wonderful things in my life, and been to fantastic places. They undoubtedly will appear on this blog at some point.

So this will be me, warts and all. Hope you enjoy the ride.