Monday, March 25, 2013

My new public bathroom rule

Bathroom time is personal time.  Bathroom time is my time.  When I am in the stall, it is my space for lo those many minutes.  At work, I used to pick whatever stall was available.  Not anymore.

The other day, I was in a stall, when all of a sudden I felt someone stomp on my right foot.  At first I was shocked, then I got pissed, because my kicks are rad, and I don't like getting them messed up.  You don't believe me?  Well, here's a picture of the sneakers I was wearing:
Awesome, right?

Anyhoo....I'm sitting there, and I hear a voice say "Janice?"

My name is not Janice, so I said, in an incredulous tone "no."  Our conversation ended there.  I left the stall, washed my hands, and left.

A few days pass, and I am back in the bathroom.  A lady comes up to me at the sinks and starts apologizing for stomping on my foot the other day.  SHE RECOGNIZED ME BECAUSE OF MY SHOES Y'ALL.  I did not really want to have this conversation.  It was embarrassing, and I really never wanted to put a face with the stomping foot.  I have to work with these thousands of people ya know? 

Consider this....if a lady is in a stall, playing a symphony with her posterior sphincter, don't you want to be outta there before she has to identify herself to those at the mirror?  Life is all about manners and pleasantries.

So I see her every few days, and she looks at me sheepishly.  Gee creeped out.  My new rule is, upon entering the bathroom, I always look for a one-stall separation with whomever may be using the facilities, and I keep my feet as close in to the stall as possible.  It is wisdom y'all.  Please learn from me.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

On The Subject of Papercuts

Papercuts may very well be my most hated sort of body pain. The day after exercise? Not even close, because you already have the expectation that you are going to hurt the next day. Papercuts attack you unsuspected, like a tiger hiding in your hydrangeas.

Now we are not talking about a papercut that you would get on a flimsy piece of copier paper, for example.  This was like a slash from thick cardstock.  It looked like an innocent piece of mail y'all.  How did I know that stationery in general would exact its justice against all of the people that judiciously slash through envelopes with knives by hurting little old me?  I'm quite sure the pain is what a cesarean would feel like without anesthesia, and yes, those of you without humor, I am childless.  Please type your righteous indignation in the comment area provided.

The worst part is that the wound is on my favorite finger, the right index. That is my pointing finger, my mouse finger, my itch the nose finger. Oh the horror! I may have to just go home from work and file the workers compensation papers.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

The A-ha Wellness Moment

Here's the scenario:  you have a cold.  You are fastidious about blowing your nose, drinking soothing beverages and taking elixirs and potions to give you comfort.  You lay your head on the pillow each night, perhaps in vain, because you know that sleep will not come easy since either nostril (or both) could shut down at any moment, leaving you with the option of trying to sleep whilst breathing through your mouth.  You stumble out of bed.  You don't call it "waking up" because that would imply that you had some semblance of sleep.  You go to work, blow your nose some more, take more medicine, and throw your stapler at the pink elephant tap dancing on your desk.  You may even tell your friends that colors now make sounds.  You go home, and repeat your evening process.

And then there is that glorious morning that I call the "a-ha wellness moment" where you wake up refreshed, breathing out of both of your nostrils, and say to yourself "hey, I feel better."  You want to take this feeling to the movies and then for a nice steak dinner.  Sure, you still cough and sniffle ever so slightly, but you know you have beaten your cold.

I has it this morning.

Thursday, August 4, 2011


Finally!  I have read The Complete Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle cover to cover, 1200 pages in all. 

A big book to say the least.  Some of the stories were very good, but then others were a real noggin scratcher.  When I found that I had read a noggin scratcher, I wondered if Sir Arthur had "phoned-in" some of the stories, because his passion (and the plot) wasn't really represented. 

I didn't see what the big deal was with The Hound of the Baskervilles.  I thought his first novel, A Study in Scarlet, was vastly better.  I am glad I read this book.  It was interesting reading for the most part, and by the latter stories I could figure out the important points before Sherlock Holmes solved the cases.

And now, on to the next book.   I have picked out two random numbers, and according to the Nashville Public Library's website, both books are available at the main branch. They are both shorter than the book I finished by half, so that's a bonus!  I'll talk about the chosen book in my next post.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle aka The Verbose One

Yes....I  am  still reading Sherlock Holmes.  I have about 300 more pages to go,  so  the end is in sight.

I would have been finished with it by now if I had been more devoted to my reading, but hey, life got in the way.

I managed to finish the first draft my novel (!), and  it is  now being proofread and edited.  I have also  been researching  publishing  houses, and creating a synopsis.  The synopsis is a real booger.  Basically,  I have to distill 70,000 words into two pages of text.  Of course, everything is important to me, so this is proving to be a big task.

And then,  for basically a week I took a self defense class, which was awesome and  empowering.  I never knew that I could wail on a heavily padded person with such force.  It was a great experience.

Directly after that, I went on a family vacation.  I managed to get sunburned, and the mosquitoes found me to be  delicious, but, I had a great time hanging out with the family, and decompressing.

So there it is.  I am still  reading, amongst other things.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

On to The Complete Sherlock Holmes

So, I finished Charlotte Bronte.  Wonderful book, and it absolutely spoke to me, being a person going through the writing process.

My next book is the Complete Sherlock Holmes, by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.  Folks, this is by far the largest book I have read thus far.  I am reading 4 novels, and over 50 short stories.  The font is tiny y'all.  We're taking an 8 point font max here.  I almost feel like I need to go to the eye doctor for a new prescription - it is that small.

I've gone through the first two novels, and now I have a bunch of short stories before I get to the Hound of the Baskervilles.  I must say it is very enjoyable reading, but I was disappointed that Sherlock Holmes used  cocaine.  I didn't know that.  Okay, so you might say what rock have you been hiding under, and that would be the rock known as TV.  Most of my  knowledge of  Sherlock Holmes is from  Star Trek,  where Data was  Sherlock Holmes on the holodeck and that rad butler from The Nanny sitcom was  Moriarty.  Hey...I'm  trying to better myself here.

Anyhoo, the experience so far is very enjoyable.  It is extremely clever writing, and the endings are not completely predictable.  I continue to plow through.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Charlotte Bronte ..... kindred

So,  I am almost done reading the autobiography of Charlotte Bronte, as written by her friend and fellow author Elizabeth Gaskell.  She was a fascinating person...what a mind.

When she was 5, she could debate people in politics.  Politics people!  Most kids that age are trying to keep their crayolas in the lines.  She led a rather quiet life with her sisters and father, and very much preferred it that way.  Her life was certainly her own.

The thing I'm getting most out of this book is how she sees herself as an author, and her creative process.  As a person that is working on her first novel, I found this particularly fascinating.  She marveled at the people that she created out of her imagination, as I have done as well.  Also, she said that she might not write for weeks or days, but when her inspiration hits, she writes and writes until her thoughts are on paper.  Oh hi hello!

What a timely book to read.  I have about 100 pages to go,  and then I will be on to my next book in this project.