Monday, March 25, 2013

My new public bathroom rule

Bathroom time is personal time.  Bathroom time is my time.  When I am in the stall, it is my space for lo those many minutes.  At work, I used to pick whatever stall was available.  Not anymore.

The other day, I was in a stall, when all of a sudden I felt someone stomp on my right foot.  At first I was shocked, then I got pissed, because my kicks are rad, and I don't like getting them messed up.  You don't believe me?  Well, here's a picture of the sneakers I was wearing:
Awesome, right?

Anyhoo....I'm sitting there, and I hear a voice say "Janice?"

My name is not Janice, so I said, in an incredulous tone "no."  Our conversation ended there.  I left the stall, washed my hands, and left.

A few days pass, and I am back in the bathroom.  A lady comes up to me at the sinks and starts apologizing for stomping on my foot the other day.  SHE RECOGNIZED ME BECAUSE OF MY SHOES Y'ALL.  I did not really want to have this conversation.  It was embarrassing, and I really never wanted to put a face with the stomping foot.  I have to work with these thousands of people ya know? 

Consider this....if a lady is in a stall, playing a symphony with her posterior sphincter, don't you want to be outta there before she has to identify herself to those at the mirror?  Life is all about manners and pleasantries.

So I see her every few days, and she looks at me sheepishly.  Gee creeped out.  My new rule is, upon entering the bathroom, I always look for a one-stall separation with whomever may be using the facilities, and I keep my feet as close in to the stall as possible.  It is wisdom y'all.  Please learn from me.