Tuesday, May 15, 2012

On The Subject of Papercuts

Papercuts may very well be my most hated sort of body pain. The day after exercise? Not even close, because you already have the expectation that you are going to hurt the next day. Papercuts attack you unsuspected, like a tiger hiding in your hydrangeas.

Now we are not talking about a papercut that you would get on a flimsy piece of copier paper, for example.  This was like a slash from thick cardstock.  It looked like an innocent piece of mail y'all.  How did I know that stationery in general would exact its justice against all of the people that judiciously slash through envelopes with knives by hurting little old me?  I'm quite sure the pain is what a cesarean would feel like without anesthesia, and yes, those of you without humor, I am childless.  Please type your righteous indignation in the comment area provided.

The worst part is that the wound is on my favorite finger, the right index. That is my pointing finger, my mouse finger, my itch the nose finger. Oh the horror! I may have to just go home from work and file the workers compensation papers.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

The A-ha Wellness Moment

Here's the scenario:  you have a cold.  You are fastidious about blowing your nose, drinking soothing beverages and taking elixirs and potions to give you comfort.  You lay your head on the pillow each night, perhaps in vain, because you know that sleep will not come easy since either nostril (or both) could shut down at any moment, leaving you with the option of trying to sleep whilst breathing through your mouth.  You stumble out of bed.  You don't call it "waking up" because that would imply that you had some semblance of sleep.  You go to work, blow your nose some more, take more medicine, and throw your stapler at the pink elephant tap dancing on your desk.  You may even tell your friends that colors now make sounds.  You go home, and repeat your evening process.

And then there is that glorious morning that I call the "a-ha wellness moment" where you wake up refreshed, breathing out of both of your nostrils, and say to yourself "hey, I feel better."  You want to take this feeling to the movies and then for a nice steak dinner.  Sure, you still cough and sniffle ever so slightly, but you know you have beaten your cold.

I has it this morning.